


A Summer Beside You

by Yiffandquiff (princesslexi763)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beaches, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, Phandom Big Bang, Phandom Big Bang 2018, Smut, Summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 03:18:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 36,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16653274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesslexi763/pseuds/Yiffandquiff
Summary: Dan Howell, a New York City native, suddenly finds his world turned upside down when he is told that his estranged father is wanting to spend the summer with him. Having not seen his father since he was young, he is reluctant to travel to this small little beach town to see him. Bringing his younger brother along with him, he boards a plane and heads south. Upon arriving, Dan goes to the boardwalk just down the beach and runs into a native by the name of Phil Lester. As Dan starts to spend more and more time with the native rich kid in town, he finds himself slowly falling in love. Through trips to the boardwalk and even just simple walks down the beach, Dan realizes that he doesn’t want to leave this town behind. But as the date of his departure edges closer and closer, he finds that his grasp on this small town and his love for Phil strengthen, leaving him to make the ultimate decision:Do I go back to NYC or do I stay here with my dad and Phil?





	1. June Part 1: Dan

**Author's Note:**

> After six months of working on this, here it finally is! My @phandombigbang fic for the 2018 PBB! This fic has brought out the best in me and the worst of me. There are many times I thought I would never even finish this fic. But in the end, here we are, with a fully finished fic that I never thought would see the light of day. Big thanks to my beta, Yani, @jorzuela . I seriously would have NEVER finished this fic without you! I cannot thank you enough for stepping in and being my beta for this fic. Seriously, this fic would have never made it without you. And another special thanks to Claire, @phloridas for being a massive support system for me! I literally thank you so much for being there for me and this fic since I pitched this idea to you. And honestly, I’m surprised you never got sick of me sending you screenshots of the text to read or any of my ideas for this fic. Or really me sending you how I was never going to finish this fic. lol But thank you for sticking by me to hear it all! 
> 
> I don’t currently have any art for this fic or any playlist or anything but if it happens where I do, I’ll add it! 
> 
> If you’re still here after that long af note, thank you! haha I hope you enjoy this fic. And happy reading! :)

Sometimes, Dan would walk the streets by his apartment and think about how he wished life could be different. How his life could move at different pace than the hustle of the city. He had called New York City home all of his life, but often, as he walked home from the subway he thought about how his life would be in a different setting. 

He would have never thought that it could become a reality. He’d thought they were just passing thoughts for a reason. He wasn’t expecting to walk into the apartment he shared with his mom and brother and have her say this one sentence to him. 

“Your father called me today and asked for you to spend the summer with him.” 

Dan had thought those words over in his head. They were a lot to take in, especially because his father had walked out on them when him and his brother were just young children. He wasn’t even sure if he remembered what his father looked like...he’d only just had some sporadic phone calls for his birthday and Christmas. His mom never mentioned him by name. He was just referred to as ‘your father’, nothing more. 

“Me?” Dan asked, setting down his messenger bag on their couch and popping his earbuds out of his ears. “My father wants to spend the summer with  _ me _ ?” 

“Well, not just you,  he asked for Julian to go down too.” She paused. “You’d stay with your father from June until the end of August. It would be like a semi-permanent summer vacation for you and Julian. Your father lives in Darby, the little beach town just down south.”

“For the entire summer?” Dan repeated. 

His mother sighed and rolled her eyes. “I know you’re not happy about it but I already talked to Julian before he went to his friend’s house and he was excited to go.” 

“He’s fourteen. He doesn’t understand.”

“What is there to understand, Dan?” His mother's voice rose in volume. “Your father hasn’t seen you or Julian in nearly twelve years and he wants you guys to visit him. I think it’s a great idea personally.” 

Dan rolled his eyes. “Well, I don’t.” 

“You don’t even know the rest of the plan!” His mother pressed. 

“I’m vaguely aware.” 

“Dan, seriously. Getting out of the city for a little bit might do you some good. Clear your head and make you actually think straight for once.” 

Dan felt anger seethe inside of him. He knew his mom never agreed with his after high school decisions, but for her to use them against him all the time was just... _ unfair _ . It was  _ his  _ life and he wanted to do what he wanted to do. 

“I’m not going.” 

He began to pick up his bag again, ready to walk out, and hop back on the subway downtown to his friend Jack’s apartment. 

“Julian wants to go and I can’t send him by himself onto an airplane!” 

“He’ll be fine!” Dan countered. 

“Dan, seriously! You’re not even thinking right now.” 

Dan inhaled, feeling a burst of air fill his nose and filter into the back of his throat. 

“I haven’t seen my father since I was child. Why do you think I’ll just jump on this chance now? I don’t want to see him or spend the summer with him. Are you crazy?” Dan paused. “I’m not even sure if we’d get along. He didn’t want to be a part of my life growing up, why does he want to now?” 

“Your father has always loved you and Julian, Dan. He just had different plans than what I had. But I think you should think about this and give him a chance.” Her voice was now calm. “I told your father that you’d give him an answer by tonight so he can book your plane tickets. He’s paying yours and Julian’s way, you know?” 

Dan shrugged, feeling the handle of his bag fall lax in his hand. 

“It would mean a lot to your father if you visited him.” 

“Why doesn’t he just come visit me, then?” Dan asked, his voice breaking slightly but he tried to clear his throat and ignore it. 

“That’s something for you to ask him...when you go and visit him this summer.” 

Dan sighed. The thoughts he used to have of getting away from the city for a little bit had always seemed ridiculous. The fast-paced city lifestyle was all that he had ever known. 

No,  _ this  _ was stupid. He wasn’t going to go. There was no way in  _ hell  _ he was going to go. And he wasn’t going to stand around and let his mother pressure him into it. He grabbed his bag and quickly put his earbuds back in, rushing back out of the apartment as his mother just sighed helplessly behind him. 

Walking back out into the street was familiar. The smells. The noise. The traffic. The people. This was what Dan was used to. He pulled out his phone and began to walk down the sidewalk, unlocking his screen to send Jack a quick message to ask if he was free to receive him. 

He got to the street corner where an alleyway led to a metal fence for the access of only those with the correct parking pass. He peered in, curious as he heard speaking behind him, faintly resonating in his ears. Two men, both clearly on edge and hyper aware, were exchanging words before a bag of... _something_ fell onto the pavement and the guy on the right closed his fist and decked the other guy in the jaw. There was an instant crack. The sound resonating in Dan’s mind as he found himself staring at the two men who were fighting over a bag of weed. _It_ _Probably wasn’t even good weed either._

This was the downside of this city. He saw this kind of thing, not often, but enough. He even watched one of his friends get knocked out doing a similar situation right in front of him. He used to be a little bit  involved in the throes of weed but when they caused him to become paranoid, he stopped using it, opting to just sit back and watch his friends take the hits from the bongs instead. 

Snapping out of his trance, he turned to head in the opposite direction to the subway on the next street instead of this one, just down the sidewalk, incase the two men spotted him. His feet were stomping against the pavement, he could hear the clicking the heels of his boots made against the cement. He got to the front of his apartment and the doorway that led to it. 

He stopped for a moment, swearing that he could still hear the distant sound of the brawling men. Maybe leaving this behind for a little bit wouldn’t be a bad idea after all. To come to this decision so fast after just being so against it was a little mind-boggling. But he had always said that he wanted to see what life outside of a city was like. Maybe  _ this  _ was his chance to find out. 

He walked up the stairs and unlocked his front door, he walked in and saw his mother in their kitchen, the sound of the frying pan sizzling in the background as she made dinner. 

“I’ll go.” 

She turned and smiled at him. 

“What made you change your mind, sweetie?” Her voice was thick and laced with sugar and sweetness, something that was making Dan a little bit too uneasy with his decision. But he swallowed back his retort about the tone of her voice and just shrugged instead. 

“I think maybe it would be good for me to get out of the city.” 

She turned back to the stove and picked up her spatula again. 

“I’ll let your father know when I call him later. He’ll be very happy.” 

****

It made perfect sense that the first day of rain in nearly a month came on the day that his mom was driving him and Julian to the airport. It hadn’t even been raining when they left but it had suddenly hit when they got into the car and halfway down the street. 

It had started with just sprinkles, but as they drove further out of the city to JFK, it started pouring, like the sky had just opened up and dumped whatever it had been holding for months onto Dan because  _ why not  _ make this day any worse? 

Despite him agreeing to go way back when he was asked, he hadn’t been too excited about it. The sudden change in habits was something Dan didn’t like. Living in a fast paced city only to move to a relaxed setting was just...not something Dan was sure he wanted. 

But he was all packed. His suitcase thrown in the trunk on top of his brother’s, and he was stuck. He’d already checked in to the flight two hours before to get the boarding passes for him and his brother on his phone. 

Beside him, Julian hadn’t stopped talking from the time they left until now. Dan had been trying to ignore him, putting his headphones in and trying to tune his brother out. But it only worked for so long until Julian’s shrill pre-pubescent voice cut through Dan’s music. 

“Do you think dad lives near a boardwalk?”

His mom looked at them in the rearview mirror and smiled. “I’m not sure, honey! You’ll have to ask him!” 

“Ooh!” Julian piped up, practically vibrating in his seat. “What about arcades? Do you think there is an arcade around dad’s house?” 

“I don’t know.” His mother answered, a clear happy facade of a tone was present in her voice. 

Dan rolled his eyes. 

“What about you, Dan?” His mother asked, just as she signalled to pull down towards the airport. “What are you most excited about?” 

Dan shrugged. 

“Oh, come on, Dan.” His mother pressed. “You  _ have  _ to be excited for something, right?” 

Dan huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Dan? You have to say something to me before I drop you guys off to the airport.” 

“Fine.”

“More than one word.” 

“I don’t want to go anymore.” 

The words left his mouth and everything went eerily silent as his mother nearly slammed the breaks on. 

“Daniel James!” 

“It’s the truth!” He spat back.

“Your tickets are booked. We’re at the airport. And you  _ are  _ going! Your father is looking forward to seeing you.” 

“Yeah...well, I’m not looking forward to seeing him.” Dan huffed, sitting back further in his seat, shrinking down to become smaller. 

“We are not having this discussion right now.” His mother sighed, her hands squeezing the wheel tighter. “Your father is very happy that you’ve agreed to this. He’s been asking me for years when I would bring you two down to see him. This is an opportunity that’ll be good for both you and Julian.” 

“How is this going to be a good opportunity?” 

Dan wasn’t even sure where the conversation was going. A constant battle was waging in his head over whether if he even  _ did  _ mean what he was saying or if he was just doing it to rile his mom up He wasn’t sure anymore, honestly. The arguing just never ended and Dan had accepted that it’d never completely end. 

“You’ll be away from the city…” 

“...and my friends.” 

“You’ll make new friends, Dan.” He could sense the exhaustion in his mother’s voice. 

“You don’t know that.” 

His mother sighed, a loud high pitched sigh. “I don’t even know if you’re doing it just to bother me anymore, Dan, but I’m sick of this. I’m done with your constant fighting. You are getting on that plane and you are visiting your father. You’re going to thank me at the end of August when you come back.” 

Dan rolled his eyes again as his mother came to a complete stop at the unloading ramp. She got out first, Julian trailing behind her while Dan opened the door slowly. When they walked around to the back of the car, Dan could tell his mom was emotional and something within him told him to, just this once, not pick a fight with her. So as she was getting ready to leave, he leaned in and gave her a tight hug, letting her rub his back once more before he left for the next two months. 

“Be safe. Don’t cause your dad any problems. If you really don’t like it when you get there, we can arrange something. But give it a try, okay?” She whispered in his ear before kissing his cheek and pulling away. 

She kissed Julian next who made a face and wiped the lipstick mark off his cheek. Then she waved goodbye to them and Dan motioned for Julian to follow him inside through the automatic doors. 

There was no turning back now. 

****   
  


The flight was only a few hours long but for six foot Dan, it was two hours  _ too  _ long. His legs hurt by the time he got up to stretch them and grab his carry-on bag, his body was just stiff. He already knew that his father lived about an hour and half from the airport so he wasn’t looking forward to sitting for two hours, walking for ten minutes, and then sitting again for another hour and a half - especially in a car where he wasn’t even sure he was going to get along with his dad. 

Walking through the airport was no better. Julian was too busy rambling about the movie he had watched on the plane and Dan was busy trying to concentrate on how to even get out of the airport. But then he saw  _ him.  _ His father. Standing in the middle of arrivals area of the airport with a sign saying “DAN AND JULIAN” on it. 

Dan almost snorted.  _ How hilarious would it have been if he didn’t even know their names?  _ Dan motioned for Julian to just follow him. Dan was immediately engulfed in a massive hug. He tensed, he didn’t like to be touched. But there was something foreign about his father, who was taller than him, hugging him, and not his mother who barely reached over his shoulder. 

His father pulled back and went to Julian next. 

“I’m so glad my boys are finally here to visit me!” He spoke as he pulled away from Julian. 

Dan didn’t say anything, but Julian sure did. 

“Do you have arcades near your house? What about a boardwalk? Does the boardwalk have any rides? What about games! Are there any games?”   
“Whoa, slow down there, bud.” _Oh, great, the nicknames are coming out. Next, he’ll be calling Dan sport._ “There is a boardwalk just down the beach from my house. How about we go there tonight?” 

Julian began to jump up and down and Dan felt his eyes involuntarily roll. 

“Oh, do you not like that idea, Dan?” 

Dan snapped his attention towards his dad who was looking at him with furrowed brows. “Uh…” 

“Dan doesn’t do anything.” Julian cut in. “And he’s probably not gonna do anything you tell him to anyway.” 

“Oh…” His dad’s voice tapered off. “Well, that’s okay then, Dan. You don’t have to go to the boardwalk if you don’t want to.” 

There was something in the way his father spoke that made Dan instantly feel guilt weighing heavily in his chest. He hadn’t think his dad would actually be this upset about him not wanting to go and do something with him. 

Dan didn’t speak anymore. He didn’t even say anything when they got into his dad’s car even though his dad tried to make conversation with them. He let Julian take the front seat and then he sat in the back, putting in his earbuds and tuning his dad and Julian out. 

The entire time, he didn’t hear a word that his father even told him. He was sure his father was speaking to him about various things around the town but he just...wasn’t listening. He found himself staring out the window, watching the views as they passed through small towns and over bridges. But the most mesmerizing sight was a sign that read ‘Welcome to Darby’ as they passed over a bridge that led to the beach. 

The town was bustling with traffic. People were walking everywhere in their bathing suits or in shorts and tank-tops. There were tons of skateboarders and cyclists who were weaving in and out of traffic. They passed through the congested areas and soon, and stopped at a small house that was wedged in between two buildings. It was like a small bungalow. 

As soon as the car was parked, Dan whipped the door open and got out. When his father opened the trunk, he quickly grabbed his suitcase and rushed inside, eager to see what the view from the house was now that he was actually faced with it. 

Not even waiting, Dan rushed, opening the door to the house and walking in. He let go of his suitcase somewhere along the way and headed directly for the sliding glass doors on the other side of the living room. 

He pushed it open and there it was. The smell of salt, the sound of seagulls, and the whipping of the wind against his skin. He stepped outside of the doors and onto the soft wooden deck of the patio. 

“Nice view, right?” 

Dan snapped his head around and spotted his dad, standing with his arms folded over his chest and Julian right behind him. 

“I wasn’t aware that your house was right on the beach.” Dan said, turning back to the ocean, watching the waves crash onto the beach as people ran for the water. 

“Your mother never mentioned that part to you?” 

Dan shook his head. 

“If you walk down those steps in front of you,” His father began as he walked by Dan and pointed his finger where he was referring to, “then you go right to the beach. Although when high tide hits, the sand disappears a little bit from under the steps so it turns more into a leap down than a step down.” 

Dan was tempted. But he’d never stepped on sand before. He didn’t even know how it would feel. So he stayed back on the porch. 

“You know,” His father started again before Dan could speak, “I always dreamt that you and Julian would come and visit me. I’ve been asking for years to be allowed visitation for you and Julian here in Darby but your mother wasn’t gonna let you leave New York.” His hand came up and placed itself on Dan's shoulder, making him tense. “But I’m really happy you’re here right now. It means the world to me, Dan. And I know it wasn’t easy to get you here so I’m gonna give you space. But your brother really wants to go to the boardwalk tonight and I think it’s a fun activity to do in your first night here.” 

Dan nodded in his direction before letting a small smile dip onto his lips. “Thank you.” he managed to say. 

His father smiled and nodded back. “Of course. Would you like to see your room now? I’m sure you probably want to rest a little bit since your flight was so early.” 

Well, the flight was at 11 that morning but Dan guessed his father assumed--which would be correct--that Dan didn’t normally wake up before then. But the truth was that he had hardly gotten any sleep the night before, so it wasn’t like it made that much of a difference now. His body was running low on energy but making up for it. Although, he did want to see what his room for the next two months looked like. 

“Sure.” 

It was one simple word but it was all Dan could get out at the time. He followed his dad back inside the house where his brother was sitting on the couch, his legs crossed, and his phone on his lap as he watched some loud YouTube video without his headphones. 

“It’s right up these stairs.” His father said, cutting through Dan’s stare at his brother. 

He walked up the stairs first and could hear his father creaking behind him. Once he reached the top, he was greeted by a small hallway that led to three different doors. “Your door is the last one on the left.” His father said, pointing. “I hope you don’t mind but it used to be my office.” 

Dan shrugged. He was used to the small and cramped living quarters from NYC. So this probably wouldn’t bother him. He walked all the way down the hall and opened the door to his new ‘room’ slowly, taking it all in. 

The walls were a light grey, but nothing dramatic. And on the side of the room near the window was a small twin sized bed with red and grey blankets draped over it. Next to that was an old white desk and a night stand. There was nothing else in the room. 

“Do you like it?” His father asked behind him. “I had no idea what to get for you but your mother sent me some of the colors she thought you might like. The girl at Ikea helped me get the furniture.”

“I like it.” Dan managed to say before he turned to grab for his suitcase, only to realize he never even brought it up with him. “I should probably go and get my suitcase.” 

“I’ll bring it up to you! Why don’t you just rest for a little bit? You seem tired.” His father said. “I’ll probably make something for dinner soon but I think I’m gonna take Julian to the boardwalk later. You’re welcome to join us.” 

Dan nodded slowly. 

“You  _ can  _ speak to me, you know.” His father pressed. “I know this is awkward and you have every right to dislike me, Dan. I should have been there more. I should have been a better father to you. But all I ask is that we make up for the lost time this summer. It would mean a lot to me if you came down for dinner later and come to the boardwalk with Julian and I tonight.” 

“I’ll think about it.” Dan said. “But I think I might take you up on the offer to rest. I might take a nap.” 

His father nodded. “Of course! I’ll let you be then and I’ll drop your suitcase off in a few minutes. I’ll call for you when dinner is ready and if you don’t answer, I’ll assume you’re still sleeping.” 

Dan nodded and forced a smile before stepping further into the room and walking over to his bed. He plopped down, kicking his shoes off onto the floor. The mattress was hard as a rock but his dad probably bought the cheapest one. He tried to get comfortable, stretching his body but at six feet tall, a twin bed was not the most ideal. Yet, he wasn’t going to complain,his dad  _ did  _ try. 

He felt tired before long, so he shut his eyes and felt the throes of sleep wash over him. 

****

 

A strong knocking broke Dan from his dreamlike state. He slowly opened his eyes and then shut them again as the strong light that was pulsing in through his window nearly blinded his still aching pupils. 

The knocking paused for a brief moment and then began again. Dan groaned. 

“Dan! Are you awake? Dad and I are getting ready to go to the boardwalk!” 

Dan sat up slowly, letting in small shallow breaths as he adjusted to being awake after taking such a long nap. He smoothed around his comforter for his phone and he found it in between the bed and the wall. He checked the time: 8:37. He’d been asleep for a while. 

Suddenly, the door sprung open and Julian stood on the other side. “Did you hear me? Dad and I are getting ready to leave for the boardwalk!” 

Dan nodded and sighed. “Can you let me wake up for a moment?” He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers before slowly getting up from the bed. He took a minute to collect his bearings on where he was. The unfamiliar room was throwing his balance off. 

“Dad told me to come and wake you up! He wants to leave here by nine! They’re having some midnight thing going on tonight where there are going to be fireworks and stuff!” 

“Julian...just...I don’t even know if I’m going yet.” Dan said, looking down at his phone in his hand and scrolling through the various messages from all of his friends back in New York. 

“But it’ll be a lot of fun!” Julian pressed. “And I think Dad would like you to come too!” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

“But we’re leaving in like ten minutes!” 

“If I’m not down there in ten minutes, that means that I’m not going.” Dan said. “Now, can you please go be annoying somewhere else?” 

He heard a huff escape from Julian’s nose before he stomped out of the room and down the hallway. Dan loved his brother, don’t get him wrong, but sometimes he was more of a handful than Dan liked. For one, he was ninety percent sure his brother was going to be a late bloomer as opposed to Dan and that didn’t help for his brother’s  maturity, or lack-thereof. 

He remained seated on his bed, looking around and trying to take everything in. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his suitcase sitting in the corner of the room. As he thought about it, he realized that he had never brought his suitcase up with him and his dad had said he would bring it up later. Also, his door hadn’t been shut when he fell asleep. 

Maybe his dad wouldn’t actually be so bad afterall. 

He got out of bed and slipped on his shoes, grabbing his phone along the way. 

He walked down the hall and down the stairs and was met with the gaze of his dad and Julian who were standing in the kitchen. “Are you going to head there with us?” His dad asked, his words almost careful like as if he thought they were going to scare Dan away. 

Dan nodded. “Yeah. I think I’ll head over.” 

“They’re having a midnight madness on the boardwalk tonight. All teenagers get half off food and rides.” His father said, bending over to slip on his shoe. 

“Do they sell corn dogs and cotton candy?” Julian asked.

“Probably.” His father said as he straightened back up. “Haven’t been to the boardwalk in a while.” 

“How far away is it?” 

When the words slipped Dan’s mouth it was like he had just made a formal announcement. But Julian and his dad’s heads snapped towards him so fast, he was sure they would get whiplash. 

“Just down the beach a little bit.” His father answered. “We can walk there.” 

“On the beach?” Dan questioned. “We have to walk on the beach to get there?” 

“Or we can walk the road but the beach is just as easy.” His father said with a smile. 

“I’ve never walked on sand before.” Dan said. “Not like...I mean, I’ve never walked on the sand before at a beach.” 

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, right?” His father asked, yanking on a light jacket before motioning them to follow him out the back door and down the steps. 

The idea of sand made Dan uneasy. Maybe it was a texture problem. He didn’t quite know. He’d felt it in exhibits before at museums but that was kinetic sand. Was this even the same thing? 

“Take your shoes off before you begin walking or else they will turn into a beach!” 

Dan bent down and shuffled off his shoes, taking his socks off as well, and grabbing them in his hand. He followed his father and Julian down the steps and his feet were engulfed in the rough,  yet smooth, feeling of this sand. 

“What do you think?” 

Dan looked up and shuffled his feet through it, feeling the coarse beads along his skin. “It’s different.” 

“By the end of the summer, you won’t even want to leave the sand.” His father said with a chuckle. “Some say it’s a good exfoliator after you get out from the salt water.” 

Dan just gave his father a small smile. 

The rest of the walk was silent...well, not from his dad and Julian who were chatting up a storm but from Dan. He found that watching the ocean and watching the water break over the sand was a calming sight and so he just watched that as he walked. At one point, he trailed over to the wet sand and let the water brush over the tops of his feet. He shivered at the initial cold contact. 

He didn’t know how long they’d been walking. He had lost track of time as his ears just kept listening to the sound of the water beside him. But the sound of Julian getting excited was enough to break that. 

“Oh! Is that the boardwalk?” He asked, pointing towards this strip of lights and... _ is that a ferris wheel at the end?  _

“Yes it is!” Their father said. “We have to cut around to get to the entrance though so follow me and put your shoes back on.” 

Dan tried his best to get the beads of sand off from his feet before slipping them into his socks and back into his shoes. His shoes were expensive and he wasn’t about to ruin them with sand. 

“What do you guys want to do when we get there?” 

“What is there to do?” Dan asked, folding his arms across his sternum. 

“Well,” His dad began, “we can get some food like cheese fries or deep fried...whatever. And then we could go on some rides?” 

The food sounded appealing but not the rides. Dan didn’t do well with rides. And he especially didn’t do well with rides that he had no one to go on with. To be fair, he’d been to amusement parks but this seemed like anything but. This literally looked like something out of a movie. 

They walked down the pavement to the entrance of the boardwalk and immediately the sound of music and loud voices were heard. Lights were flashing and people were having fun. It felt so freeing to be there. Dan had trouble processing all of the noise and lights around him. He was, of course, used to this in the city but this just felt so different. 

“So there are some food places around here.” His father said, rubbing his hands together. “You didn’t eat anything for Dinner, Dan, so do you want something here?” 

Dan looked around, noticed a vast array of different food vendors sitting right in front of him. “Are there places that sell corn dogs?” He was used to going to Coney Island and getting corn dogs before. 

“Oh, I’m sure of it.” His father said. “What about you, Julian?”

“Cheese fries?” 

“We can definitely go and get those!” 

Dan followed his dad but as they walked, he looked around and took everything in. It mostly looked like little vendors and pop up shops that housed cheap souvenirs. Maybe he would pick one up? Yet again, would he even want a shirt that said Darby? 

“What do you think, Dan?” 

Dan wasn’t even aware that anyone had been talking with him. 

“Hm?” 

“I was just asking if I bought both you food if you’d split it.” His father said, motioning them over to a small vendor on Dan’s right side. There was a sign saying they sold everything from hamburgers to cheese fries. Dan knew that if he agreed to split the food with Julian, he’d be stuck with sharing cheese fries and he was unsure if he even wanted food at all. 

“Actually,” Dan said, “is it okay if I break away for a little bit? I kind of want to see what’s around.” 

His father shrugged and then nodded. “I don’t see why not. Do you want some money for food?” He already had ten dollars in his hand and he was holding them out to Dan. 

Dan took it and shoved it in his pocket. He could use that later to ride a few rides or maybe getting souvenir. Giving his father and Julian one last look, he smiled at them and then walked off, towards the blinking lights of all of the rides. 

There was something about being here that just made Dan feel free. Feel good. Something that he hadn’t felt in such a long time. He found himself walking aimlessly, looking at all of the people around him who were eating cotton candy and sipping on Slurpee’s. He was tempted to stop and get himself one now, but as he turned to get in line at a vendor, movement caught his eye. 

It looked like...fire? Flames? A torch maybe? He wasn’t sure. But in the distance, he could see what looked like fire throwing and it left him intrigued. He’d never seen fire throwing in any way in New York. 

He found himself walking towards the person, eager to see what was going on. As he edged closer, he noticed the small balls of flames being thrown around,  _ juggled  _ if you will, by this young male. Dan had to admit that it was quite impressive. 

The male ended his juggling and put out the flaming balls in a bucket of water as people clapped and gave him tips. Dan looked down at the small wad of cash in his hand, checking to see if he had any single bills to give the man. 

He ended up grabbing a lone five dollar bill and throwing it in the male’s bag. 

“Thank you!” The male said, happily pulling off these black gloves from his hands and tossing them in the bag on top of the tips. 

“How do you do that?” Dan asked. “The fire juggling.” 

The male looked up, his brown eyes were a similar deep color like his own. 

“Well,” the male began, “A magician never reveals their secrets.” 

Dan smirked. “Not even a little bit?” 

The man shook his head. “Nah. If you wanna learn how to do it, go on YouTube. That’s where I learned.” 

Dan found himself giggling. He liked this man. He could see himself getting along with him. 

“I’m Dan.” 

The man pushed out his hand in an invitation to shake it and Dan took it firmly. “I’m Lyle.” 

“Lyle?” Dan asked. “I’ve never a met someone name Lyle before.” 

“To be fair, I think the doctors slipped up on my birth certificate and my parents were too nice to ask them to change it.” Dan let out a loud laugh throwing his head back. When he looked back at Lyle and found that Lyle was laughing too. “I’ve never seen you around before.” 

“I’m here only for the summer.” Dan said, watching as Lyle picked up all of his things that were scattered across the wooden floors of the boardwalk and stuffed them in the same bag that he just received his tips in. “I’m visiting my dad.” 

“Who is your father?” Lyle asked. “I may know him if he’s lived around here for a long time.” 

“John Howell?” Dan asked, following Lyle as he know moved down the boardwalk towards the Ferris Wheel and other miscellaneous rides and vendors. 

Lyle shrugged. “Don’t know him. Maybe he’s just not a regular at the boardwalk.” 

Dan shrugged. 

“Well,” Lyle started, “Since you’re not familiar around here. Let me show you some of  _ the  _ best food places. There is this one place right down here that’s called Billy’s, he serves the best slushies.” 

From that point on, Dan settled for being under Lyle’s wing. He felt better having someone there to show him around without him feeling like he needed to stick with his father and Julian. This was nice to have a friend already--or at least someone that he could see himself hanging out with. 

With Lyle telling him all of the different happenings around the boardwalk, Dan just listened and walked with him. It wasn’t long before they ended up at Billy’s and Dan was stood in line, ordering a cherry slushie despite Lyle arguing that the blue raspberry one was superior. But Dan just preferred cherry. 

As he paid the man behind the counter and took a sip of his slushie, making a noise of appreciation, he turned and began to walk until his body collided with someone else’s. Nothing happened. His drink didn’t spill, nor did it get on whoever he collided with...or at least he thought so. 

He was a little bit too scared to look up. 

But he had to. Just in case. 

As he picked his head up, his eyes met with the bluest eyes he had ever seen in his life. They resembled the water that surrounded him and his skin was so beautiful it looked like porcelain. Together, they reminded him of a beautiful seashell and Dan was mesmerized. 

“Oh, gosh.” The man spoke first, backing up away from Dan. “I should have been looking where I was going.” 

Dan shook his head, breaking his stare. “Uh...no. That’s all me. Sorry.” 

He felt himself blushing bright red. Of course he had humiliated himself in front of an attractive guy. Of course this would be his luck. 

The male smiled. “Hey, no harm no foul, right?” he said, putting his hands up. “See you around.” 

And just like that, he was gone. As the raven haired male walked away, Dan focused on the group that was with him, including the pretty blonde that was hooked to his side. He sighed to himself. He would probably never see the man anyway so there was no need to be upset because he had a beautiful girl at his side. 

“You okay, man?” 

Dan nodded. “Yeah. I just accidentally ran into someone but it’s all good.” 

Lyle smiled at him and then pulled out his phone. “My friends are all here and I have to meet up with them. You can come with if you want. They wouldn’t mind another person in our group.” 

Dan looked at him and smiled. “That’d be cool but I actually should probably go and try to find my dad and brother.” 

Lyle shrugged but flashed a smile. “That’s cool. Do you wanna exchange numbers? Maybe we can meet up some other time if you’re here all summer.” 

Dan nodded and quickly gave Lyle his number before they parted ways and he watched him exit the boardwalk and head somewhere on the beach. All alone again, Dan texted his brother and asked where they were before he ventured to that location. 

On the way there, he happened to pass by the Ferris Wheel where he spotted the raven haired male again, but this time, he was sharing a quick kiss with the blonde that was next to him as they sat on the seat. Dan quickly turned his head, pretending he hadn’t seen that, as a slight blush crept over his cheeks. 

_ He shouldn’t be having a crush on someone already. That was totally silly.  _

He met up with Julian and his dad before they grabbed some other snacks and headed down the beach back to the house. As they turned to the beach, Dan caught sight of a group of people under the boardwalk and he smiled as he saw Lyle wave at him, a beer in his hand. 

Inside, Dan wished he would’ve gone with Lyle. But that could wait for another day. He had an entire summer to try new things and  possibly make questionable decisions. And maybe...just maybe...he couldn’t wait. 

Waking up the next morning, Dan wandered downstairs to find breakfast already made for him and his brother, sitting on the island countertop in the kitchen. It was simple: bacon, eggs, and sausage. But it had been so long since Dan had had breakfast made for him that it made him happy. 

He put some on his plate and sat across from his brother and dad. Both appeared to be done eating but Dan didn’t mind. He knew he woke up kind of late so that was to be expected. 

“I was just telling Julian that I want to show you both around town. I’m assuming, Dan,” Dan looked up from cutting his egg. “That you’ll want to head out and go into town on your own eventually so I just want to show you around.” 

Dan nodded and flashed a smile at him. “Okay.” 

As soon as they were done eating, he and his brother argued over who would get to shower first, Dan put his foot down on being first to have enough time to straighten his hair. When they were ready to leave,  they got into his father's car and drove into town. Apparently, you could walk into town as well, but Dan had just told his dad that he could drive if need be. 

His dad showed him and Julian all of the different shops, including this one record shop that had caught Dan’s eye rather quickly. Dan made a mental note of that for later. The trip into town didn’t last too long and soon, they were heading back home. 

Dan decided that he wanted to try and sit on the beach that afternoon. So, while his father made burgers for him and Julian, he dressed in his swim trunks and headed down to the beach with an old lounge chair that his father had pulled out from his garage. 

He spent his afternoon sitting in the chair and scrolling on his phone. By mid afternoon, he felt like he was beginning to get fried, so he went back inside and was greeted by his father, who laughed and handed him some unscented lotion and aloe. Dan took it and slathered it on his body before going upstairs and taking a cool shower to help with some of the heat. 

The rest of the day was just spent relaxing and recuperating from the sunburn. And later that afternoon, when it was close to the sun going down, Dan asked if it was possible to take a blanket and just sit on the beach. 

“Well, it cools down quite a bit with the water.” His father told him. 

Dan just shrugged and dressed in some of his heavier joggers and a thicker sweatshirt before he grabbed a blanket and ventured out to the beach. The tide was out, which meant that the beach was cleared from water and the sand was just slightly damp. 

Curling into his lounge chair, he just sat and rested, staring up at the stars, wondering if anyone else was doing the same thing as him. He found his eyes shutting not long after and the soft breeze and the smell of the ocean lulled him to sleep. 

He only woke up when his father shook him gently early the next morning as the tide began to come back in. 

* * * * * 

A week later found Dan walking his brother into town to get some ice cream from this parlor that his father had recommended. They talked on the way there, Julian explained how their dad was taking him to a movie the following night and Dan acted enthused by it, even though the movie didn’t interest him at all. 

The ice cream parlor was on the other side of the record store that Dan really wanted to check out and he brought it up to Julian as they got to the entrance. “Do you wanna check it out?” 

Julian looked up and down at it before shrugging and Dan decided to head inside. Julian trailed behind him as he opened the door and an instant chill of the air conditioning greeted them, leaving Dan to sigh in content. 

They walked inside and Dan looked around at all of the different aisles and genres that the vinyls were separated into. He didn’t even know where to begin. He found himself turning in place as he looked for a place  to go. 

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw black hair out of the corner of his eye. He stared, his eyes focusing, as he turned and spotted the same male he ran into at the boardwalk. He was standing behind the counter, his hair thrown up on his head and glasses perched on his nose. He wore an open flannel with a white tank underneath and a pair of black skinny jeans. Dan could cry...not literally, but the man was  _ gorgeous.  _ And exactly Dan’s type. 

But then, Dan had to remember that this same man also had a girlfriend. The blonde, tall, pretty girl that he’d seen kissing him. 

He was about to look away and stop staring, when the male looked up to him and flashed him a smile and a small wave. Dan blushed but waved back before turning away. His brother, at that same time, had come up to him with a vinyl in his hand. 

“Can you buy this for me?” 

Dan rolled his eyes. “Where is your money?” 

“I left it at home with dad.” 

Dan took the vinyl from him huffing and turned walking towards the register when he noticed the black haired male was gone and another one had taken his place. Trying to defeat the disappointment that bubbled in his chest, he placed the vinyl on the counter and paid. 

When they left, they hooked a right to get ice cream to go. As they walked back, Dan peeked back inside the store, seeing the male that’d caught his eye squatting down by a shelf and adjusting something that Dan couldn’t see. 

For a while, Dan felt like everything would be okay. He had enjoyed his time here and everything that he’d been doing. But it wasn’t long after that that he began to feel bored and found himself wandering around aimlessly. 

He spent his days between hanging out with Lyle and being with his dad. And when he was not doing either of those things, he would go to the boardwalk and indulged on food or he sit on the beach. 

But it became boring and redundant rather quickly and Dan was eager for a new adventure. He was eager to do more than just sit around there. The slow relaxed life just wasn’t working for him anymore. 

One evening, after venturing away from Lyle and his friends who were all at the parlor, Dan found himself standing in the record store again, winding through the aisles and flipping through the vinyls. 

As he searched through the records for Muse’s albums, Dan heard footsteps behind him and turned locking his brown eyes with the beautiful blue ones that he just couldn’t get out of his head. 

“Hi.” The male said, leaning against the shelf of vinyls. “Do you need help with anything? I see you in here a lot.” 

And in that moment, Dan felt like he could collapse, but instead, he broke out a smile and watched as the dark haired male smiled back.   
  



	2. June Part 2: Phil

Phil Lester had picked up the job at the record store as soon as he turned sixteen and could apply without having any working papers. He didn’t _need_ a job, he was fortunate enough to come from an affluent family. But that was the thing. Yeah, he had money but it wasn’t _his_ money and that’s why he wanted to earn his own.

The record shop wasn’t ideal. He didn’t do much and he was lucky to be scheduled fifteen hours a week. He hardly made $200 a week and if he did, that was a lucky shot. Phil hated working here, that was the end all, be all.

But there was _one_ part of working there that made it all bearable for Phil. And it was the fact that a certain brown haired male walked into the store every once in a while to search through the Muse vinyls.

The last time he had been in here, Phil had decided to talk to him. He had just asked him simply if he was looking for anything. He had blushed and said no but a phone call had interrupted them and the male left before Phil was done talking to a company that would be delivering their new stock of CD’s the next day.

Now he was back,  the same male was _fortunately_ inside the store, dressed in a pair of dark skinny jeans and black and grey checkered flannel. His fingers were separating the vinyls and he was pulling some of them out and looking them over.

Phil was eager to speak to him. He could play it cool, just ask if he needed any help. There was no need to be awkward. Sure he was an attractive guy, but Phil also had a girlfriend…well, a _complicated_ girlfriend. He and Portia had their issues and he wasn’t even sure if they were together anymore or if they were just showing affection to each other to please their parents.

His feet carried him over to the male and he soon found himself standing beside him, looking over his shoulder.

“I’ve noticed that you like Muse.” He said.

The male jumped. He turned his head and Phil stared into his chocolate colored doe eyes and felt himself starting to melt into them. They were just so beautiful. He couldn’t help thinking that way.

“Oh yeah.” The male said with a smirk. “I’ve seen them a few times when they played at Madison Square Garden.”

“Oh?” Phil asked. “You’re not from around here, I take it?”

The male noded. “I’m from New York City.”

“What brings you down to Darby?” Phil asked.

“I’m staying with my dad. He owns a house on the beach.”

“Oh really. How are you liking it here?”

He shrugged making Phil laugh. He felt like that was an acceptable answer for people who stayed here year round but it was even better to hear that from a visitor. It wasn’t very exciting to live here all the time. His family lived about ten minutes away from the store and it was all the same. Nothing stood out particularly.

“That’s normal.” Phil said. “I’m Phil, by the way. Or you probably remember me as the guy you ran into on the boardwalk, or the guy who works at the record store.”

Phil watched as the male blushed and it caused him to smile.

“I’m Dan.”

Phil smiled wider at Dan. “It’s nice to finally put a name to the face.”

Dan nodded. “I’m still really sorry for the slushie incident. I didn’t get anything on you, did I?”

Phil shook his head. “I don’t remember but I don’t think so.”

They both chuckled. Phil could have stood there and spoken to Dan all day but he still had to do his job. He knew his boss could walk in at any moment and get pissed off if he noticed he was wasting time.

“I see you around a lot,” Phil began, “So do you want to maybe exchange numbers? I could show you around here if you wanted me to. I’m around here until the end of the summer.”

He watched as Dan looked at him, hesitating for a moment before nodding slowly and pulling out his phone. He handed it to Dan for him to enter his number into his contacts. When that was done, Phil flashed him a smile and just as he watched Dan pocket his phone and say goodbye, the bell over the door rang and Phil looked up.

Dan passed by her as she walked in and he watched as her eyes scanned over his body with a cast of judgement. Portia had always been like that. She had always judged people way too fast and it was something that Phil never truly liked. But he put up with it.

The first thing she did was something like a routine. She walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek before they shared a quick kiss and she went back to standing firm in front of him, her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders and over her chest. Her sunglasses holding back her bangs on the top of her head.

“Wasn’t that the _boy_ who spilled cherry slushie on you?”

Phil shrugged. “It wasn’t a big deal. It was an accident.”

“He stained your _white Armani_ shirt that _I_ got you as a gift and we had to throw it out.”

“Shirts can be replaced, Portia.”

“How can you be so relaxed about this?” Portia asked, her shrill voice raising in volume. “He should pay me back for your shirt.”

“He doesn’t owe you anything, Porsch.” Phil said. He was getting irritated with her and it was becoming worse and worse every single day that he saw her.

He just wished that he had the courage to end it and be done with it.

Eventually, Portia let go the topic and handed Phil a bag of food for his lunch from the local parlour that he ate at all the time. He thanked her and she left with a taunt goodbye.

He only saw her again later that day when she came back for closing.

* * * *

Phil saw Dan more and more around town. Whether that be Dan walking around with—what Phil assumed to be—his little brother. Or walking with a group of the outcasts: _well, they weren’t really the outcasts but they weren’t who Phil associated with and they tended to be a bad crowd._

Before he knew it, a week had past and he’d spent it working at the store and keeping an eye out for Dan. He couldn’t help it. It was something that he did out of habit. If he was standing behind the counter and he heard the bell ding, he would immediately look up and see if it was Dan walking in.

But Dan only came in once that week, and it was when he was with Lyle Anderson, one of the outcasts. Lyle had showed him something that made them both laugh before Dan cast a glance his way and a quick smile. Phil had waved, a shy small wave, but Dan just blushed a fierce pink and then he and Lyle had left and hooked around the corner to the diner next door.

Every night, Phil would close up the record store and head back home, where he would be greeted by Portia. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Portia, but it was more that he could feel like they were just dissolving; like ice in the sun, and if they didn’t make an effort to bond back together, they were just going to be a puddle of melted...nothing.

As the week drew to a close, Saturday night had Phil stressed and wanting nothing more than to have a long walk by himself. He hated tourist season in Darby and _this_ time of year was another summer peak of tourism. He had so many people coming in and out of the store, touching the records and messing them up. They were moving them and throwing them in the wrong place and by the end of the night, Phil had to even pick up some now _scratched_ vinyls from the floor and he was ready to throw in the towel.

He just needed to...be alone.

After closing, he drove his car to the boardwalk, parked in the two hour parking zone and then paid for his parking ticket. He took off his shoes and carried them as he slipped down the stairs to the beach and just walked around. He needed to hear the sound of the water and feel the grainy sand under his skin. It was such a calming thing for him.

Growing up, he’d spend every day at the beach with his parents, just sitting on the sand and playing with it, creating sandcastles and digging holes. Sometimes his parents would even allow him to go into the water by himself and it always made him so happy. He had felt so free.

But then he grew up. The beach didn’t mean anything to him anymore. It was just an overcrowded place filled with sweaty people in near nude bathing suits. It was just walking over people and trying not to trip. It was shark sightings and people freaking out until it became a mass hysteria. The beach just wasn’t for him.

Phil would admit that he didn’t come to the beach often and he only ever came on nights like tonight. He liked to push his toes in the sand and watch the water hit, re-wetting it. He was half tempted to run to the edge of the water, throw his clothes off, and just jump in. Let the chill waves freeze his skin. At least then he’d feel something other than this massive amount of stress compressing his heart against his bones.

He wasn’t aware at how long he had walked until he got to what looked like a person sitting in a lounge chair outside of a house with a light shining out into the beach. The person looked like they were curled in a blanket and reading a book.

It wasn’t until he got closer that he focused in the figure and realized it was Dan.

As he walked closer, Dan looked up from what he was reading and smiled at him. “Hey.”

Phil nodded in his direction. “Hey. How are you?”

Dan set the book down on his lap and smiled. “I’m pretty good.”

“Enjoying a book?” Phil asked, referring to the book Dan was just reading.

Dan nodded. “Yeah. I bought it at the store in town a few days ago. It’s by a local author. It’s actually kind of decent.”

Phil chuckled. “Just kind of decent?”

Dan shrugged. “Well, it’s kind of mediocre but who am I to judge? I have zero writing skills.”

Phil nodded to that. “I’m the same.”

Dan smiled and then turned in his chair. “Oh! Do you want a seat? I can go ask my dad for another chair?”

Phil thought about the proposition for a minute. Insinuating that Dan was willing to go and get him a chair meant that he was going to stay here for a while. But _was_ he? He kind of wanted to. But he also knew that if he didn’t get home _soon_ his parents and Portia might  worry.

Phil ended up shaking his head and just falling down on the sand, not even caring. It was only sand. It wasn’t like it was going to hurt him.

“How are you liking it here?”

Dan’s head snapped up from looking down at his lap. “I don’t mind it.”

“It must be a lot more chill around here than back in New York.”

Dan nodded, resting his head against the side of the chair as he turned on his side, the blanket shifting and pooling slightly on the sand. Phil kind of wanted to get up and adjust it so it wouldn’t do that. But he didn’t.

“Well, yeah. But it’s a nice chill. No one here is rushing. It’s  like they move at a more relaxed pace.” Dan sighed. “It’s really nice.”

“I’ve never been to New York.” Phil commented. “Is it like how the movies paint it to be?”

Dan chuckled. “I guess? But it’s all about what you want it to be like. New York is what you make it out to be.”

“Maybe I’ll visit you there one day.”

Dan smiled at him. “I can show you around if you ever decide to visit. I love playing tour guide.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

There was a silence that crept over them following Phil’s statement. He didn’t know if it was just because they didn’t know what to talk about next or because of the feeling that was so clear between them. Phil could feel a tug that was pulling him towards Dan. Every time he spoke, his heart just picked up its pace and he felt as if he was going to explode.

“How did you like the boardwalk?” Phil didn’t know why he asked that but it came out before he could even think.

“Oh, you mean the place where I spilled cherry slushie onto you?” Dan blushed. “I didn’t mind it.”

“I’m serious about the shirt.” Phil chuckled. “It was just a tiny stain. It’ll be fine.” He paused. “The boardwalk does midnight madness every two weeks. Maybe next time you’d like to go with my friends and I?”

Phil knew that Portia wouldn’t like him inviting Dan to go along with them since midnight madness was _their_ thing but his other friends wouldn’t mind.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to…”

“My friends wouldn’t mind.” Phil added. “I think they’ll like you.”

Phil didn’t know how long they’d talked, but eventually, Dan’s dad peeked his head out of the door and told Dan that he should be coming inside soon since it was getting late. It was kind of a shame really, because Dan looked stunning under the moonlight. His skin glowed so brightly and looked like it was made of stardust. His eyes shown deep and dark, but so lively and full of energy under the moon.

There was no doubt about it in Phil’s mind. He was beginning to really see something in Dan. They got along so well, hitting it off instantly. And Dan was just so beautiful. He was nearly infatuated with how gorgeous he looked.

As Phil walked back down the beach towards the parking lot where he had parked his car, he thought about where this left Portia. He’d been with Portia for a little over a year now, and although she knew that he was bisexual prior to them dating, surely she wouldn’t take well to knowing he was falling in love with another male.

He brushed the thought of her from his head, and as he got into his car, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw one new text:

 **Dan:** _I really enjoyed tonight. Wanna do it again?_

And so Phil did. Every day for the next week, after work, Phil went and met Dan on the beach. They sat out under the moonlight and just talked about their life. Phil learned that Dan had a slight reputation back home. He had friends who were involved in drugs and Dan was trying to break away from them. He also learned that Dan was bisexual as well, but it came up so subtly that Phil thought maybe his ears were tricking him.

It became routine for him. Every night, he’d spend the evening talking with Dan and then he’d go home, be greeted by Portia, and some nights, he’d even had sex with her. He knew in the back of his head that he couldn’t keep pulling her along on such a thin string. He just needed to end the relationship, but every time she began to cry and tell him that she missed him and wished they spent more time together, he gave in. He’d kiss her, hold her, and have sex with her until they were back to being normal for a short time.

But by the end of June, that was breaking. And every night that Phil spent with Dan just caused his relationship with Portia to become more and more distant. Eventually, he started coming home to find that she was not there waiting for him. Ultimately, he even stopped receiving messages from her.

He hadn’t questioned her about it when he did see her. He just let it happen and ignored it. He knew he shouldn’t but it was all he felt comfortable doing at the time.

He continued spending his time texting Dan. One night, he was surprised to receive a text from Dan saying that Lyle and his friends were having a bonfire under the boardwalk and he wanted Phil to go with him.

Phil agreed to go.

He met Dan at his house and he had to admit that to him seeing Dan dressed up in something other than a pair of pajama pants and a sweatshirt was _something else._ He was now in black skinny jeans and a tight t-shirt and Phil couldn’t help feeling enthralled.

“Ready to go?” Dan asked him with a smirk as Phil just stood in the doorway and looked him over, letting his eyes travel from Dan’s feet to the pin straight hair on his head.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Phil said with a chuckle.

Dan let Phil inside and the first thing Phil noticed about the house was the sheer size of it. From the outside, it appeared to be just a cozy beach home but on the inside, it was a very open style house. Of course, it didn’t compare to his own house in any regard but he thought it was nice. He’d only ever seen little snippets of it when he’d sit with Dan on the beach and sneak peeks inside.

They exited via the porch on the other side of the house and Phil found it interesting to see the beach from Dan’s usual perspective. It was the opposite of what he was used to. He kind of liked it actually.

“Lyle told me that the party is going to be going on underneath the boardwalk. He said that there will be a bonfire that we won’t be able to miss.”

Phil just nodded along. It was no little secret that Phil didn’t really care for Lyle but he’d keep that to himself for right now. He just didn’t associate with Lyle’s kind or his friends. Phil was more reserved, and if he went to a party, it wasn’t one that had alcohol or drugs in it, not like he was opposed to either, but still.

From Dan’s house, Phil could see the bonfire in the distance, glowing orange under the moonlight. He’d heard of these types of get together before, but once again, he’d never been.

They came to the bonfire relatively fast and Phil noticed right away that Lyle and his buddies had a massive fire started with some driftwood and some empty canisters thrown on the sand. There were some chairs pulled up around to he fire and the scent of weed was penetrating his senses.

“Dan!” Lyle exclaimed as he walked to one of the many coolers that were poised in dug holes in the sand. He opened the lid and pulled out a glass bottle of what looked like just a basic beer. “I’m glad you came! Was thinking that maybe I had scared you off already?”

Phil watched as Dan shook his head and laughed, taking the bottle that Lyle offered and taking a swig from it. Phil stood there, watching but Lyle and Dan interact before Lyle turned and offered him a beer as well.

He turned it down.

“Oh yeah, forgot Mister Lester over there doesn’t drink anything that’s not expensive wine.”

Dan gave him a puzzling look but Phil shrugged it off and ignored the comment. He’d explain Lyle’s comment to Dan later if he wanted an explanation but he’d let it go for now. He was here with Dan and he had to remember that now.

Phil had to admit that he was expecting the evening to go a bit differently than it did but instead, it was an evening spent with him being the only sober one of the group while all of the rest of them drank. Phil didn’t know their names but there was a mix of males and females, who drank beer after beer and even took a few drags from a joint that was being passed around. He just kept politely passing both around and he was a little bit shocked when he saw Dan take a long drag from the blunt and exhale the smoke like he was made for it.

When Dan caught Phil staring at him, he just smirked and winked before passing the joint along. That was the only hit that Dan took that night but he did spend a lot of his time drinking more beers than he should have. Phil could tell he wasn’t that sober anymore and he decided to help Dan instead of encourage him to keep drinking.  

While everyone else continued to drink, Phil sat beside Dan by themselves on the sand as they watched the dancing flames and took in the salty smell of the ocean. The mist from the waves was hitting lightly against Phil’s skin like a kiss.

“I think I’m sober again.” Dan said after a long time of silence. “I don’t even like drinking or weed anymore. I don’t know why I did either.”

Phil smiled. “Well, you didn’t drink or smoke a lot anyway so I’m sure that your sobriety wasn’t that far gone.”

Dan snorted and hit Phil lightly in the arm. They continued to sit together, like they normally did even when they weren’t with Lyle’s groupies, not like they were paying that much attention to them anyway. Most of them were off making out somewhere in the corner of the boardwalk or pounding back more beers and rolling more joints like Lyle was currently doing in his chair.

“I should probably be heading back.” Dan said eventually, breaking the silence. “My dad wants to try and be the good parent so he still expects me to be home at a decent time.”

It was at this time that Phil decided to check his phone and see what time it even was to begin with. 12:03am. _Honestly, it could be worse._

Getting up from the beach, Phil wiped down the sand from his black jeans and watched as Dan did the same before adjusting his jeans so they were back in the proper spot on his waist, having fallen down as they sat.

Dan said a quick goodbye to Lyle with a promise to talk to him later and then they were off, walking back towards Dan’s house with just the moonlight guiding their way.

On the way, they just spoke about life in general. Dan talked about how that had been the first time that he drank and smoked in over a year and how he definitely didn’t like the feeling like he used to. Phil found himself explaining Lyle’s comment to Dan, telling him that his family grew up on Pinot Grigio and expensive Chardonnay, not on cheap beer and weed. Dan seemed to get it, but at the same time Phil could tell that Dan was curious to know more about him.

They approached the porch for Dan’s father's house and they were suddenly stood there. In the light, Phil couldn’t help but stare at how flawless Dan’s skin was. How beautiful it glowed. If angels could sing, they’d be singing right now at his presence.

“I guess I’ll see you later?” Dan asked, biting his lip between his teeth.

Phil nodded. “Yeah. I have the day off tomorrow. Maybe we can just hang out for the day?”

Dan’s lips curled up into a smile and he nodded. “Yeah! I’d like that!”

Phil smiled back.

With the way Dan looked right now, Phil could almost lean forward. They were so close, it would just take a moment and their lips would be pressed together. He was almost sure that Dan wouldn’t mind, right? He just really wanted to kiss him, feel his lips against his own.

“Dan…” Phil found himself whispering. Dan nodded. “Can I kiss you?”

Dan sucked in a sharp breath and for a quick second, Phil was afraid that he had misread the signs and he had messed up. Maybe Dan didn’t feel the same way as he did?

Dan’s arms suddenly moved around Phil’s neck and shoulders and Phil found his own hands coming down to rest on Dan’s hips. Then Dan was leaning forward and Phil was leaning closer.

Their lips touched and Phil swore that for the first time in his life, he heard fireworks going off in the distance.

Phil had _finally_ found the person that was meant for him, and he was currently feverishly kissing him in the moonlight. Nothing in his life could have been any more perfect than this moment.

He was damn near sure of it.


	3. July Part 1: Dan

With July beginning, Dan found himself stopping at the record shop every time he walked into town. Whether this being when he was with Julian or his dad or when he was alone, he always stopped by and walked inside. 

Namely because Phil was working there. 

And really, Dan could spend his entire day, just talking and hanging out with Phil. He loved being with Phil, not even doing anything. Just them, sitting on the beach in the moonlight, or walking through town and stopping to get ice cream before heading to the boardwalk. 

Dan just  _ really  _ enjoyed being around Phil.

_ The kiss.  _ Dan remembers the kiss so clearly in his head. He was slightly tipsy but sober enough to remember the way their lips felt brushing against each other’s. Phil’s were so warm and soft to the touch, full and plump against his own.

Dan had no idea how long it was that they kissed for, but he remembered sneaking back into his dad’s house and seeing his dad, sitting in their kitchen with a fierce blush over his skin. 

“So, you got a boyfriend?” His father had asked right after clearing his throat. 

Dan had bit his lip and smirked. “I might eventually.” 

That had been most of their conversation before Dan said he was heading to bed and he rushed up the stairs, running into the bathroom first to splash water on his face and falling asleep in his jeans. But Dan wouldn’t trade that night for anything else in the world. 

That night had led to new boundaries for his and Phil’s relationship. Every time they saw each other after that, they’d shared stolen kisses and soft whispers. When Phil came to visit him at night, they’d lay together on the blanket draped over the sand and he’d curl into Phil’s chest, allowing himself to rest there. A few times, Dan had fallen asleep like that and Phil had just let him sleep until it was time to go home. 

Other times, they would just talk about the stars and the way they were aligned. Dan had learned that Phil was an Aquarius and had told him that he was a Gemini, so they would often joke around about how Dan fit the Gemini horoscope and the end of their playful teasing would end in quick pecks and kisses against the others lips. 

And one other time, which Dan likes to think about often, was when they had kissed with just the moonlight illuminating them, wrapped in wool blankets and each other. Phil’s lap had been so warm as Dan rested on his hips, his arms wrapped languidly around Phil’s neck, their lips connected in feverish kisses. 

Dan had let his hands wander down Phil’s side as their tongues battled for dominance. They’d traveled lower and lower and he’d rubbed cautiously at Phil’s hip until he felt braver and moved his hand over his thigh. Phil had moaned which Dan thought was the go ahead but then Phil’s hand had come down from his own backside and stopped him before he could press against the front of his jeans. 

“Not tonight.” Phil gasped against Dan’s lips, his voice breathless as he panted. 

Dan nodded and tried not to feel sad inside and guilty that maybe he had crossed some sort of line with Phil. But Phil just put his hand against Dan’s cheek and his thumb rubbed against the tender skin under his eyes. 

“I don’t want our first sexual experience to be under a wool blanket outside your dad’s house when we both know that he’s probably sitting in the living room watching us right now.” 

Dan had cringed because yeah, Phil was totally right about that one. He’d dislodged himself from Phil’s lap after that and they’d just spent the rest of the night giving each other quick pecks. 

Today though, Dan was in charge of taking his brother to the store while his dad had friends coming over to catch up. As much as Dan would have  _ loved  _ to be there with other strangers, he had made the executive decision to talk Julian into going to town to buy the new video game that had just come out a week ago to take it back to New York with him. 

And maybe he also wanted to go into town to talk to certain blue eyed man that’d plagued his every thought. They stopped to the local gaming store first and Dan helped Julian find his game and pay for it before they walked to the record store just down the street. 

Dan could feel himself smiling, his cheeks hurting already at the thought of seeing Phil again, despite just seeing him the night before. 

“Are we seeing Phil again?” Julian asked, a clear annoyance in his voice. 

“Just for a minute. I  just want to say hi and then we’ll leave and grab lunch.” 

Dan pressed his hand against the glass door and felt it budge open, the cool crisp air conditioning hitting him as he walked in. He held the door open for Julian and was heading inside when he looked up and spotted the same blonde haired girl he’d seen around Phil before. 

And maybe, just maybe, Dan didn’t particularly like this blonde haired girl because without knowing anything about her, he already knew she was Phil’s ex. For one, he saw them share a quick, rigid kiss on the boardwalk. 

But they looked different today and maybe that was why Dan suddenly felt like he was going to vomit onto the floor. She was leaning over the counter, her backside thrown out and her chest heaved forward in a clearly suggestive way. And the way her hand was settled over Phil’s plaid shirted arm was another red flag. 

Dan thought about staying because  _ maybe Phil will notice him and leave her.  _ But no, he couldn’t stay and watch this any longer. Jealousy was filling his core and he needed to leave. 

He motioned for Julian to head back out and when they were out of the store, Dan felt his chest heaving, and it wasn’t from the sudden onslaught of heat. 

“Who was that?” Julian asked, pointing his finger back towards the door. 

“Phil’s ex.” Dan said softly, “or I believe that it’s his ex. It’d be pretty shitty if she wasn’t.” 

Dan didn’t even want to think about the possibility of himself being a side-play thing for Phil. He could never live with himself if that was the case, being the side-guy in a love triangle. 

He pushed the thoughts from his head and put on a facade as he took Julian to get his promised lunch, despite him not being able to eat the entire time. He just slowly picked apart his grilled cheese sandwich as Julian wolfed down his burger like it was his last meal. 

On the way back to their house, Dan tried his best not to look through the door at the record store to see if she was still there. He found his body wanting to turn and run inside but he didn’t. 

By the time they got back, their dad’s company was gone and Dan left his family to retreat to his room where he moped about and just laid in bed, hoping that maybe what he had seen was a figment of his imagination. 

When afternoon rolled around, Dan still laid flat on his bed, scrolling through the same Facebook posts that he’d seen an hour ago. His father had tried to come in and speak with him but Dan had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to speak with anyone at the moment. 

And what made it even worse was that today had also been the first time in nearly the month that he’d been here that he realized his friends from New York hadn’t bothered to message him and find out how he was doing after that first day, and yes, he had failed to reply but they knew how he was. And if Dan was being completely honest, it hurt a little bit to see his close friends like Jack, posting photos from some party they had at his apartment because that was when he realized that life truly had moved on without him in New York. Who knew, maybe when he got back to New York, Jack wouldn’t even speak to him again. 

He kept thinking about Jack and all of his New York friends until he got a message that pinged across the top of his phone screen. But the sight of who it was from was enough to make Dan feel nearly sick to his stomach. 

Because it was Phil texting him. 

Deep down, Dan already knew that he’d fallen for Phil, so seeing how close he and that blonde were in the store just made him overly anxious, and every time he thought about it, a little bit of sick rose to his throat. 

The message had no ill intent though. All it read was  _ are you busy? I’m nearby.  _

Inside, Dan wanted to text back Phil and say that he was busy and that he really did have plans but honestly, he couldn’t bring himself to lie to Phil like that. So he texted back that he was free and then waited patiently for Phil to arrive. 

They met on the beach at around 4pm and Dan found it hard to carry a conversation with Phil when all he could do was replay in his head the image of him with that girl. Eventually, all of those thoughts broke loose into the open when Phil asked what was wrong and Dan’s Stone faced nature was gone. 

“Are you and that girl dating?” 

Phil had looked at him like he had five eyes. Dan couldn’t understand why. It was a simple yes or no question and he was waiting for that answer. Instead he got another what. 

“What girl?” 

“The tall blonde.” Dan said. “The one in the record store from today.” 

“The record...did you come and visit me at my work?” Phil asked, a smirk raising high on his lips. “You should have said—.”

“Are you dating her or not, Phil?” Dan asked, digging his heels into the sand under his typical lounge chair. 

“No!” Phil turned to him and suddenly his hand was on Dan’s skin, burning with his touch. “Portia and I broke up. We’re not dating anymore but she keeps trying to get us back together.” 

“Then why was she acting like that in the store?” Dan questioned. 

“Because that’s just how Portia is. She doesn’t know how to be any different.” Phil said pointedly. “Look, Dan. I don’t know what you saw but I promise you that there is no one else that I’m seeing but you.” 

And there it was. 

Dan hadn’t been sure of anything up until that moment. Whether or not they were boyfriends or even just casually dating. But the words ‘ _ there is no one else that I’m seeing but you’  _ was a confirmation in Dan’s head. A smile broke out on his lips before he quickly pulled it back, keeping some of his composure. 

“So what are we then?” He asked, turning in his chair to face Phil who was sat on the sand. 

“I thought we were dating.” Phil said, matter of factly. 

Dan’s lips pulled up into a smirk. “That’s what I thought too.” 

Phil smiled at him, and leaned forward, capturing his lips into a kiss, sealing that promise between them, that they were together and they were dating each other exclusively. 

“Now that we’re on the same page,” Phil began, “No more pouting about Portia without talking to me.” 

Dan quickly agreed with a nod before leaning forward and kissing Phil once more, forgetting momentarily about anything he had been worried about earlier. 

They didn’t do much talking the rest of the evening. Most of the time, their mouths were busy in other ways, their lips connected in soft kisses. There wasn’t anything sexual about what they were doing, it was just them enjoying the other person, taking in all that they had to give. 

At the end of the night, when Phil’s phone had vibrated with the silent alarm he had set, Dan was reluctant to let him leave. He didn’t want to see him go so soon, not when they had just begun this new chapter of their summer. 

“Stay the night?” Dan asked, biting his lip. 

Phil just shook his head. “Another night.” He whispered before connecting their lips one more time and then leaving down the beach. 

Dan always felt awkward every time he had to go back inside and face his dad. He knew his dad sometimes watched what he and Phil were doing, probably to make sure that they weren’t doing anything like  _ that.  _ But Dan still didn’t like walking inside with red, swollen lips, and furious blush across his cheeks. 

Tonight was no different. 

When he walked in, he was greeted by his dad sitting in the living room, sipping a tiny glass of water with ice and watching some game show on the television. 

“How is Phil tonight?” His dad asked. 

Dan sputtered. “He’s good.” 

“That’s good.” There was a pause. “Am I ever going to meet Phil?” 

Dan turned and faced his dad just as he was about to ascend up the stairway to his room. He knew his dad wanted to officially meet Phil but he felt weird about it. He didn’t know if he wanted his dad to meet Phil. Or even for Julian to meet him. 

“He’s here every night.” Dan said. “I’m sure you can meet him one night.” 

“What about the fourth?” His father turned in the recliner to face Dan instead the TV. “Do you and Phil have any plans? We could do something here?” 

Dan paused and thought for a moment.  _ Did he have any plans for the fourth?  _ He wasn’t sure. Phil hadn’t mentioned anything about the fourth anyway. And that was just a few days away. They should probably plan something if they were going to do anything. 

“I’ll text Phil and ask him.” 

His dad smiled, and for once, Dan actually got a warm feeling inside just from seeing a display of slight happiness from his dad about a  _ possible  _ thing they were going to do. 

He quickly said a goodnight to his dad as he bounded up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door behind him. He dressed out his sweatpants and sweatshirt and threw them into a pile on the floor as he grabbed a pair of pyjama pants from his dresser and threw them on. He hopped into his bed, turned off his light, and immediately texted Phil to make sure he had made it home. 

**Phil:** _ just got home like five seconds ago.  _

Dan smiled and unlocked his phone to send a message back. 

**Dan:** _ My dad wants to meet you. He asked if we were doing anything for the fourth.  _

**Phil:** _ I might have to work the morning of the fourth but I can get the day off and we can do something?  _

**Dan:** _ I think my dad might want to do a bbq or something for us.  _

**Phil:** _ That sounds cool! The boardwalk also does fireworks and stuff too so we can go to that after.  _

Dan found himself smiling. Normally on the fourth of July, him and his buddies would hang out at his apartment and they’d drink cheap booze and joke about all that was wrong with America. But the thought of being with Phil instead sent a really warm feeling through Dan’s gut. 

**Dan:** _ I can let my dad know tomorrow.  _

**Phil:** _ K. I miss you.  _

Dan let his smile falter for a second. He really missed Phil too. Even just being away from him for a few minutes felt like forever. He wished that Phil would have agreed to spend the night so he could finally know what it’s like to sleep next to him all night and be cuddled by warmth. 

**Dan:** _ Miss you too.  _

The rest of the time before Dan falls asleep was spent texting Phil how badly he wished he was there with him. Eventually, Phil sent him a selfie of him in bed and Dan sent one back as he closed his eyes and imagined Phil was there beside him. 

***

The next time Dan saw Phil again was on the fourth when Phil arrived for the barbeque that Dan’s dad was hosting. Dan could tell that Phil was nervous but he comforted Phil with a quick kiss as he entered to try and calm his nerves. He could only imagine how Phil must be feeling to about meeting his dad, especially so soon after all of this has flourished between them. 

Dan took his hand gently and led him through the front door and into the living room. His dad was outside, using the barbeque grill that had been collecting dust in the corner of his deck. Julian was outside with him, trying to eagerly help him out as the flames kept flaring up. 

Dan liked the endearing quality of it though. He’d never had someone make a barbeque dinner for him on an actual grill except at a restaurant and it was nice. It was different. Back in New York, they wouldn’t even have a place to put a grill like this. 

Dan pushed open the backdoor with a squeak and both his dad and Julian turned their heads to face him and Phil. 

“Hi.” Phil said, an awkward tone settling over his voice. 

Immediately, his dad set down the tongs on a plate and walked over to Phil, shaking his hand. “It’s finally great to meet the guy Dan is head over heels for.” 

Dan felt like rolling his eyes. At least all parents were the same in this regard. His mom would be like this too. 

“Phil, this is my dad.” Dan said pointing to his dad. “And this is my little brother Julian.” 

Julian rose his hand in a dismissive wave as he went back to concentrating on the chicken that was currently blackening on the grill and burning. Dan was sure that it would taste good but nonetheless, his dad was  _ not  _ one of those grilling dads that everyone talks about having. 

“The chicken will be done in like 15 minutes if you guys want to go hang out until then.” 

Dan looked up to his dad and cringed. He could tell he was trying to be the cool dad and yeah, it was working. But at the same time, both he and Phil were over eighteen and this was a little bit cringe. 

Dan ended up leading Phil back inside where they sat down on the sofa and Dan just cuddled into Phil’s chest. They didn’t kiss, or anything like that. They just talked about random things and Dan just shut his eyes, breathing Phil’s scent in. It felt so calming and nice, like warmth mixed with some saltiness from the air. 

The chicken was done sooner than expected, and Dan had to bite back a laugh at how it was completely burnt. But nevertheless, it was done and he enjoyed it. He just had to wash it down with a lot of water. He noticed Phil having to do that same, he figured that he’d owe him some fries or fried Oreos at the boardwalk this evening when they went there. 

With everyone done eating, Dan asked if he and Phil could head off to the boardwalk and his dad gave him money for some food considering that their dinner was slightly  _ sub par.  _ Dan tried to make him feel better by telling him that he at least managed to cook the chicken all the way through and not poison them. 

He and Phil walked to the beach hand in hand and when they arrived to the boardwalk, both of them agreed with a laugh that they needed a snow-cone or something of the like to get the awful burnt taste from their mouth. 

They both went to the same vendor and Dan ordered a cherry snow-cone while Phil went for a pina colada flavoured one. Dan found the idea of pina colada to be absolutely revolting but he tried it anyway and still came to that conclusion as he indulged on his much better cherry one. 

They found an empty bench near the ferris wheel and decided to take a seat to finish their snow-cones as they watched the crowds walking around. Dan felt Phil’s hand resting on his thigh, but he didn’t mention it because he loved the warmth radiating from it. 

“Do you come here a lot?” Dan found himself asking as he licked at the ice. 

Phil nodded. “This was the hang out spot for everyone I grew up with. We all hung out here every summer.” 

“Has it changed much?” 

Phil shook his head, turning to look at Dan. “No. This place stays exactly the same every year. I think that’s what makes it so appealing to go to.” 

“I like it.” Dan said, his voice soft. “We don’t have anything like this back in New York unless you go to Coney Island but no one goes to Coney Island anymore. It’s actually gotten a bit run down.” 

Phil nodded. “I’ve never been.” 

Dan laughed. “I know. But you’ll have to come visit me.” 

Phil’s expression turned serious and Dan could feel a little bit of tension rise in the air. It was suddenly real. Reality was beginning to feel like a brick wall between them. Dan only had a little bit of time left here before he had to go back home. This wasn’t his home. 

He wasn’t ready to leave Phil behind. He didn’t  _ want  _ to leave Phil behind. 

“I’ll come and visit you all of the time.” Phil whispered, bringing his hand up from Dan’s thigh and brushing it throw Dan’s curls. “It’ll literally be like we’ve never been separated.” 

Dan knew that wasn’t going to be true. But he swallowed back the sadness. He was with Phil now. And he would be until the middle of August. He just needed to remain in this moment and not think about what was going to inevitably happen in the future. 

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Phil’s gently, smiling at the taste of cherry, pineapple and coconut mixing into a weird fruity concoction. 

They finished their snow-cones and threw the wrappers away when Phil made the suggestion for them to go on the ferris wheel. So they bought a few tickets and then jumped in line to wait for their turn. 

Dan hadn’t been on a ferris wheel in forever and the thought of getting into one was a little bit anxiety inducing for him. But he knew that Phil was going to be there, and he was going to be holding his hand the entire time and everything was going to be okay in the end. 

When it was their turn, they went onto the seat and the ride operator put the lap bar down. Phil’s arm came to rest behind Dan’s shoulders and Dan leaned into Phil’s side, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder. 

The ferris wheel moved slowly and Dan liked that. Because it meant more time that he could spend cuddled with Phil enjoying the sight of the lights in the boardwalk beneath them. 

He was going to miss this so much when he left. 

He began to feel teary eyed as he thought about having to leave all of this behind. It hurt him to know that he had to. He was going to leave behind this boardwalk, and the record store in town, and his father’s house on the beach. And Phil. He was going to be leaving behind Phil. 

“Are you okay?” 

Phil’s words cut through his thoughts. 

Dan looked up and their eyes met in the moonlight. He nodded, biting his lip. “Just don’t want this moment to end.” 

Phil nodded. “Me too.” 

They road the rest of the way around the ferris wheel and by the time they got off, they heard the announcement that the fireworks were going to begin soon. So they found a spot in the crowd and waited. 

When the first firework set off, Dan felt Phil’s hand come to rest on his jaw and turn his face. Their eyes met and Dan smiled at him just as Phil leaned down and connected their lips. Dan smiled into the kiss, hearing the fireworks go off behind them as they continued to kiss in the crowd, ignoring what was actually happening around them. 

They stopped just in time for the last ten minutes of the firework display. 

When it was done, and the crowd clapped and began to disperse, Dan turned to Phil and took his hands in his own. 

“Please spend the night?” 

And this time, Phil nodded. 

They snuck into Dan’s house, trying to not wake up Dan’s dad since he had no idea that Phil was obviously going to be there. They walked in through the back door from the beach and then up the stairs to Dan’s bedroom. 

When Dan opened his door, he had to apologise for the small twin bed and the small room but Phil didn’t mind. 

Dan was tired and as soon as his eyes stopped on his unmade bed, he yawned and looked at Phil. “How do you normally sleep?” He whispered. 

Phil shrugged. “Sometimes in my boxers. Sometimes in just pyjama pants.” 

“You can borrow a pair of mine.” Dan said, walking over to his dresser and pulling out a pair of blue plaid pajamas. He tossed it to Phil and Phil began to undo his pants. Dan found himself watching as he undid his belt and pushed his jeans from his legs. Dan bit his lip, finding his eyes trail to the telltale bulge in the front of Phil’s underwear. 

Dan looked up and bit his lip as he met Phil’s eyes. Phil just smirked, pulled on the pyjama pants and walked over to Dan. Dan quickly undressed himself and slipped on his own pyjamas before settling back on the bed. Without warning, Phil climbed over him, hovering his body over Dan’s. 

Dan felt his breath hitch as he looked up at Phil. Phil looked down at him, a sly smile on his lips, and then he leaned down, connecting their lips in a heated kiss. It was everything and also not enough at the same time. 

Dan’s breathing picked up its speed and he felt like he was suffocating in the best way possible. His hands found Phil’s sides and he gripped his hips. He spread his legs open and Phil settled between them, his hips coming down to rest on Dan’s. 

They were both hard. 

Dan whimpered, eager to continue when the sound of footsteps walking down the hallway startled him away from Phil. He gasped and pulled back from the kiss, out of breath and panting. He waited and watched the doorway, as if he was waiting for someone to come in or knock. 

But the footsteps faded and Dan assumed it was probably Julian going to the bathroom. 

But that was still enough to ruin the mood for him. 

“Was that okay?” Phil asked. 

Dan turned his attention back to Phil, who was still hovering over him, and nodded. “That was amazing.” 

Phil nodded. “Yeah.” 

“We should go to bed.” Dan whispered. 

Phil nodded again and rolled off from Dan, settling in the tiny space between Dan and the wall. There wasn’t much room but that just made Dan feel even better because that meant he could practically sleep on top of Phil. 

He turned quickly and turned off the light before settling into bed and cuddling into Phil’s chest. 

“Goodnight.” Dan whispered as he kissed Phil’s chest lightly through his shirt. 

He felt a gentle kiss be pressed to the curls on his head as Phil whispered the same. 

Dan felt disoriented when he woke up in the morning and realised that Phil wasn’t in bed with him anymore. He felt sad. Did Phil leave? He looked around for his phone and picked it up, thinking maybe Phil had texted it. 

But there was nothing. 

He got up and slowly got dressed, walked to the bathroom, and then headed downstairs. He was about to ask his dad if he saw Phil by chance but instead he was greeted with Phil sitting at the kitchen table, laughing with Julian as they both ate cereal. 

Dan smiled. 

“You know, Dan. I knew Phil was here last night.” Julian said matter of factly. 

Dan rolled his eyes. 

He walked over and sat by Phil, looked at him with doe eyes until Phil leaned over and gave him a quick peck. Julian gagged across the table and Dan chuckled as he grabbed Phil’s spoon from him and took a bite of his cereal as Phil protested. 

Phil was nearly done already and when he finished, Dan took care of the bowl for him since he didn’t know where to put it. When he walked back over to the table, he looked at Julian and noticed another person missing. 

“Where’s dad?” 

Julian looked up. “He went into town this morning. Long before Phil came downstairs and I got up.” 

Dan nodded and looked at Phil. Phil should probably leave before his dad came back and saw that he had spent the night without permission. He didn’t know how his dad would react to that. 

“Wanna go to my house for the day?” Phil asked. 

Dan smiled. He had never thought that Phil would invite him over to his house. 

He nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go.” 

***

Dan didn’t quite know what to expect, as Phil navigated these backroads further into the forest, he became worried about what he was getting into. But soon, he saw this gateway come into view and his jaw fell open as Phil got out, entered a code, and then drove through the open gate. 

As they continued down this long gravel road, they soon came into view of a white mansion, settled on the bank of a river, with a semi-circle driveway in the front. Phil parked his car in the semi-circle and got out, walking around the car and opening Dan’s door. 

Dan stepped out, looking at Phil. “ _ This _ is your house?” 

Phil nodded and grabbed his hand. “This is my house.” 

“It’s massive!” 

Phil nodded again and then sighed. “My parents kind of overdid it for the house. It’s literally just my mom, dad, me and my older brother who has moved out, yet this is a six bedroom house.” 

“Phil, this is incredible.” 

“It’s really not.” Phil laughed. 

They walked slowly towards the front door and as soon as Phil opened the lock, and pressed forward, Dan was greeted by a scruffy little puppy, running for his feet and attacking his ankles. He bent down and immediately pet the dog. “Omg. Phil, he’s adorable!” 

“She.” Phil corrected with a smile. “Her name is Dolly and she’s terrier. My mom’s dog actually. But she’s at work so Dolly is left home.” 

Dolly lapped her tongue at Dan’s cheek and he seriously thought for a moment that he was going to kidnap the dog and take her home with him to New York. She was just precious. He ran his hands through her long grey fur and pet her, telling her how she was a good girl and a precious little pup. 

Phil just laughed. 

Soon, Dolly got bored of Dan and barked at him before prancing away to lay down on a mat just around the corner that had her name embroidered on it. 

“Your mom must love that dog.” Dan said with a chuckle. 

“I think she loves her more than she loves her own kids.” 

Dan laughed. 

They continued through the house, past the massive living room and into the all white pristine kitchen. Dan was going to ask a question about it when he looked out the windows of the kitchen and noticed a massive deck outside…with an all white piano on the end. 

“You have a piano?” He asked, pointing outside. 

Phil nodded. “My parents do. It’s for when they entertain guests. They normally hire someone to play the piano.” 

“Can we go see it?” Dan asked. 

Phil took his hand and led him out the door to the dark wooden deck. Dan’s feet clacked against the flooring as he walked silently over to the grand piano. He looked at the bench and placed his hand on it. It was softly padded and covered in leather. Expensive and luxurious. He pressed down. He had never felt something like that before. 

“Can I…?” Dan asked, looking up at Phil and then glancing at the piano. 

Phil nodded and Dan fell onto the bench, looking down at the piano. He took the cover and lifted it off from the keys, showing the nearly brand new, polished black and white ivories. He pressed his hands on the keys and let his fingers feel their cool touch. 

He forgot how much he missed piano. 

“Do you know how to play?” Phil asked and Dan was pulled from his haze. 

Dan nodded and smiled. “I took piano lessons as a kid and I’m pretty good at it.” He bit his lip. “Can play you a song?” 

Phil nodded quickly and then took a seat on the bench beside Dan. Dan took a deep breath and then shut his eyes to concentrate. He hadn’t done this in nearly a year. But he felt like muscle memory wouldn’t fail him. He could still do this. 

He placed his hands on the keys and began to play. 

He didn’t know what song he was playing at first, if he was even playing one. He had just let his fingers press the keys and play what they wanted to. And somehow a beautiful melody began to play through and he got lost in the touch, in the music. He kept playing, allowing his mind to continue to get lost. 

He didn’t know how long he had played for until his fingers were slowing down and finally coming to a stop. He finished the song and let his fingers hang against the keys for a moment, still touching them. He slowly lifted them away and turned to Phil. 

His cheeks were glistening. 

Dan moved quickly and placed his hand on Phil’s jaw. “Don’t cry!” He said. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” 

Phil shook his head and moved his hand up to wipe away the tears. He laughed and then smiled. “Dan, that was beautiful. How did you learn to play like that?” 

Dan shrugged. “My music coach always said I had a natural talent for it.” 

“You do, Dan! You could be something amazing with that talent.” 

Dan nodded, feeling that same bead of sadness come through his chest that had been there for the past year. He shut his eyes for a split second. He should tell Phil about what had happened. He had to. 

“I was accepted into Juilliard for my piano playing.” Dan said. Phil’s face lit up and he was about to speak when Dan stopped him. “I rejected the offer. I wasn’t ready for college and the thought of going to Julliard terrified me. So I decided on taking a gap year instead.” 

Phil’s face fell. And Dan thought for a moment that he was going to be lectured by Phil the same way that he’d been lectured by every other adult about this decision. But Phil didn’t. 

“I’m proud of you.” He said, his voice wavering. “I’m proud of you for standing up and saying you weren’t ready.” 

Dan felt his eyes tear up and his vision blur. He opened his mouth but all that came out is a soft “thank you” before Phil engulfed him in a tight hug. He allowed himself to fall into Phil’s body as he buried his face in his neck and smiled. 

_ This was love right here.  _ Dan could feel it. 

Moments later found them upstairs in Phil’s room, laying on his bed and just talking. But they were soon interrupted by a shouting voice that sounded like Phil’s mom, asking where he was. So they decided to head downstairs were Phil briefly introduced Dan to his mother. 

It was clear that his mom was an important woman, she was wearing a pant suit and fully made up. But Dan didn’t question it obviously. He shook her hand politely and introduced himself. 

As much as Dan was interested in meeting and conversing with Kathryn—Phil’s mom insisted that he call her that—Phil soon rushed them out the door and told her that he’d back later, in time for dinner. Dan was going to ask why the sudden rush but he figured it wasn’t worth questioning. 

They got back into Phil’s car and began to drive back the way they had come, towards the town. 

“Your mom is a nice woman.” Dan said. 

Phil turned for a second and nodded. “Yeah. She’s cool.” 

Dan bit his lip. “What does she do?” He decided to ask, hoping that he wasn’t pushing the boundaries. 

Phil hesitated for a second and then finally answered. “She works as the CEO of a pharmaceutical company in the city. She drives around thirty minutes for work everyday and works long hours, so I hardly get to spend time with her.” 

Dan nodded. So she  _ was  _ a really important person. 

“That’s super cool.” Dan added. “My mom works as a fashion designer back home. She works late nights because she often has a ton of paperwork to do. So Julian and I don’t see her often.” 

Phil nodded. “Pretty much the same here with her and my dad.” 

Dan sighed. It sucked. It really did. 

They continued down the road and drove past a small clearing that led to an open parking area near the edge of the same river that was near Phil’s house. Dan was about to ask to check out the river when Phil had the same plan and he pulled off, into the parking area. 

“I like coming here to clear my head.” Phil said, parking his car so it was facing the river. “It’s a lot more calming here than the beach.” 

Dan nodded. “This is really nice.” 

“You know,” Phil said as he turned to him, “that night I approached you on the beach was the first time in months that I’d gone to the beach to clear my head. Normally I just come here.” 

Dan looked at him, his lips slightly parted as he started speaking. “It’s like a blessing that you went to the beach that night.” 

Phil nodded and leaned forward. “Yeah.” He ghosted across Dan’s lips. “I’ve never been so happy to have gone to the beach.” 

And then their lips connected in a fevered kiss, scorching hot against each other’s skin. Dan reached up and placed his hand on Phil’s jaw, threading his fingers through the ends of his black hair. 

Phil deepened the kiss, licking across Dan’s bottom lip as Dan opened slowly and allowed Phil’s tongue entrance into his mouth. He had made out with plenty of people before in his life, but this time felt  _ so  _ different. 

It was more powerful than anything he had ever felt. 

He didn’t know how, but he found himself across the centre console, his back touching the steering wheel as he sat on Phil’s lap. He arched his back into the kiss as Phil’s hands roamed down his back and found refuge under the waistband of Dan’s jeans, cupping his ass through the material of his underwear. 

Dan whimpered at the feeling, grinding forward against Phil. He could feel Phil’s hardness through both sets of jeans. It made him smile because he suspected that Phil was hung and that thought made Dan very excited. 

He let his own hands wander, working their way down Phil’s front between them to the button of his jeans. He slowly undid it as he broke the kiss, panting. He pulled back and looked at Phil’s face. 

“Can I?” He asked. 

Phil nodded quickly. “Please do.” 

So Dan complied. He quickly opens Phil’s zipper, bending the flaps back as he reached down into the waistband of Phil’s boxers and took hold of his length. Phil’s breathing hitched and Dan smiled because he had Phil’s cock in his hand and it was soft to the touch and hot and hard in his hand and he was drooling for it. 

He slowly removed Phil’s cock from the confines of his underwear and when he looked down and saw how wet the head was, glistening in the sunlight, he whimpered. He began to stroke slowly, moving his hand up and down with the fluid skin. Phil threw his head back against the seat, groaning loudly. 

Dan could feel Phil’s thighs flexing and tightening underneath his own body, begging to move. But Dan held him firmly in place with his own weight as he stroked a little bit faster, stopping at the head and using some of the pre-cum on the crown to help with the fluidity of the strokes. 

No other sounds were apparent in the car besides those of the wet skin on skin. Phil was breathing heavily, his cock pulsing in Dan’s hand, red and ready for release. Dan continued to stroke, faster and tighter, as he felt Phil’s thighs flex again beneath him. 

He bent down and kissed Phil on the lips just in time to have Phil moaning loudly into his mouth and spilling hot and heavy over his hand. Dan continued to stroke him through the orgasm, allowing him to finish spurting over his skin. 

Oversensitivity quickly got to Phil and his hand came down fast, stopping Dan’s wrist from moving and just kept it in place, holding his now softening cock. 

When Phil came down from his high, Dan was watching him. His eyes slowly opened again, and Dan noticed how hazy they looked. He chuckled as he leaned forward and kissed him languidly on his lips. 

The kiss was much more relaxed, less heat filled. 

“You destroyed me.” Phil said with a giggle, his voice hoarse. 

Dan laughed against his lips and kissed him again. “Glad to be of service.” 

He pulled back from the kiss and sat back, looking at Phil. Phil reached down and rubbed his sides, his hands calming and comforting under his touch. “Do you want me to return the favour?” 

Dan found himself shaking his head. He was more than happy to give Phil pleasure. He wasn’t too worried about himself, even though he was painfully hard still. But he could calm himself down and he decided to do that instead. 

“No.” He said. “I wanted to make you feel good.” 

“You sure?” Phil asked and Dan nodded. 

Dan moved away from him and Phil helped him find some old fast food napkins in his glove compartment to wipe off his drying cum from Dan’s hand. Dan managed to get it all off before he threw the tissue down as Phil said he’d take care of it later. 

They both buckled up their seatbelts again and pulled away. 

As they drove, Phil’s hand came down and rested on Dan’s and that way they remained until they got to town. 

Once there, Phil made a pit stop at the diner that Dan frequented and had seen Phil at many times prior to them beginning to date. He stopped his car and they both got out, walked inside, and grabbed a booth to sit in. 

Dan found himself sitting across from Phil and just staring him down. He’d really never thought that he would ever find someone like Phil in his lifetime. He had thought that he was doomed to live surrounded by the stereotypical New Yorkers, always in a rush and rude towards everyone. He’d thought he was destined to be like them as well.

But somehow, he had found Phil. He’d found someone who made him really happy. Someone who he wanted to be with. Someone who he was… _ in love with.  _ And maybe it was too soon to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it. Every time he looked at Phil, he could feel the love. 

One day, he would tell that to Phil. But not yet. It was not the right time. Right now, he was enjoying this. Being spontaneous. 

He reached across the booth and took Phil’s hand in his and smiled at him. 

Yeah,  _ he was very happy.  _

***

When Phil dropped him off at his dad’s later that afternoon, Dan wasn’t aware that this was the last time he’d see Phil for a few days. Work schedules and Phil’s other commitments made it hard for them to see each other for almost a week. 

But when he was able to have some free time again, and not just a split second of Dan walking into the record store when he was on the clock, Dan was very excited to spend his time with him. 

Phil came over to his house after work on a Friday, ready to spend the night with him this time, and with Dan’s dad’s approval as well. He had never found out about that  _ other _ time and Dan said to himself that he would reward Julian for keeping quiet later by taking him to a concert or a show back home. 

When Phil arrived, Dan greeted him with a series of kisses and hushed words about how much he had missed him. Phil’s arms circled themselves around Dan’s waist and held him close, their bodies touching tenderly. 

“I missed you.” He whispered, not caring if he was being clingy. 

“Missed you more.” Phil responded, leaving Dan with a glowing feeling in his chest and a massive smile on his face. 

They soon moved to the beach where they spent the first little bit of their afternoon together. It wasn’t crowded today, and Dan attributed that to the fact that the sun wasn’t out, but it was still extremely warm. 

They remained on the beach, sitting in the lounge chairs and pushing their feet from the sand until Phil got the great idea of walking down to the water. So Dan pushed up from the chair and took Phil’s hand as they walked slowly to the edge of the ocean. It was chilly at first, when he put his feet in. But then it grew on him and he waded up to his knees. 

Phil followed suit, standing with him and holding him close. Dan should have known though that Phil hadn’t just planned on walking in the water, he had other plans in mind. Because the minute the mischievous expression came across Phil’s face, Dan knew he was fucked. 

Phil lifted him up, high into the air and he laughed and screamed for Phil to put him down. And he got put down. Just as the feeling of water hit his body and he sunk beneath it, he opened his eyes, looking up for the crest of the water and floating to the top. He broke through, gasping for breath and screaming at Phil. 

“You asshole!” He laughed and Phil was laughing so hard his tongue was sticking out from between his teeth. 

Dan lunged forward and pushed him down, watching as Phil’s body sunk beneath the water and then bobbed back up. They were both laughing, coughing and mewling at the sting of salt water on their skin. 

Dan reached forward, bracing his hands on Phil’s chest as he leaned in and kissed him, feeling the waves lap against his waist and the taste of salt linger against his tongue. In that moment, he had nowhere else he’d rather be than right there, in the ocean, with the salt water curling his hair. 

They left the water soon after. Dan found himself to be quite chill so they got out and walked across the sand to his dad’s house where they went inside and headed upstairs without any questions from either Julian or his dad. 

Dan showered first to rinse the salt from his skin, and Phil did so as well after, before he joined him in his room. The sun was beginning to set now, and Dan felt sleepy and tired already. He laid down in bed and Phil joined him, settling behind him as they both fell into a light sleep. 

Dan woke up first only an hour later, feeling Phil’s weight against his back. He turned and faced him, seeing the peaceful look across Phil’s face as he slept. He didn’t want to wake him, so he gently brushed his fingers against Phil’s arm. 

Slowly, Phil began to wake, and as he did, he leaned forward, bleary eyed, and pressed a kiss to Dan’s lips. Dan let himself get lost in the kiss, lost in Phil. His hands travelled up, resting on Phil’s sturdy chest as they moved together, their lips remaining attached. 

Somehow, Dan ended up on his back with Phil hovering over him and the position felt so natural that Dan didn’t have it in him to protest. It just felt so  _ right.  _ He’d been in this position before with other men, and hell, even some women. But never like this. Never had it been  _ this  _ good to have someone else on top of him, kissing him breathless, and making him lose his mind. 

Phil’s hands were moving ever so slowly down his sides, over the fabric of his shirt, with lightning sparks poking through, touching Dan’s skin. Dan felt like his body was on fire, venom coursing through his veins. He arched his back, connecting their hips together, and he slowly ground his hips. 

Phil whimpered first, breaking the kiss as he pulled away and stared into Dan’s eyes. His pupils were dilated, nearly taking up his entire iris as he looked down at Dan with such  _ lust  _ and  _ want.  _

“Are you ok?” Phil asked, his voice hoarse and urgent. 

Dan didn’t hesitate. He nodded, quite exaggeratedly, and then leaned back up, connecting their lips in a feverish kiss. This was all he wanted at this moment, to kiss Phil and be kissed back. His lips bruised, red. 

Somewhere along the line of their kissing, Phil’s hands had found their way to the front of Dan’s jeans, his fingers poised along the waistband. Dan could feel his touch with the way his shirt had rolled up, exposing his lower stomach to Phil. 

He shivered when he felt Phil’s cold hand embrace his stomach, just touching, feeling. Nothing more. He looked between them and studied Phil’s movements, the way he caressed Dan’s body as if it was the most fragile thing. 

Their eyes met for a moment as Phil silently asked for permission, Dan bit his lip and nodded. Phil smiled at him and leaned in, connecting their lips once more as he undid Dan’s jeans and opened them up before he grabbed the waistband and yanked them down Dan’s legs. 

Dan shivered, suddenly a little cold but also too hot to complain. His body was flushed red and hot. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. If this was going the direction that he thought it was, he was finally going to have sex with Phil. 

And he couldn’t fucking _ wait _ . 

As soon as Phil had thrown his jeans into a heap on the floor, he was removing his own pants, quite quickly, as he tore away his belt and broke open the button, shoving them off. He ripped them away from his legs and threw them beside Dan’s before moving up and connecting their lips again. 

This time there was some teeth as their mouths met but Dan honestly couldn’t find anything else in his head that was  _ sexier  _ than what was happening right now. He spread his legs, letting Phil kneel between them as he moved his body so their lower halves were connected. 

Dan gasped and moaned, loud and unabashed into Phil’s mouth as their cocks rubbed against each other, a barrier of underwear between them. Just the simplest touch could set Dan off, he was already so wound up and hard and he could feel Phil’s hardness as well. 

Phil continued his grinding, letting his body and hips take over their natural instincts. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s back, holding on to the fabric of his shirt. His senses felt heightened and his body was ready for release, about to explode. 

Then, Phil stopped. 

He lifted up onto his elbows and looked down at Dan just as Dan had let out a whimper of protest. “I don’t want to cum yet.” Phil whispered, leaning down as he spoke and kissed a string of kisses against Dan’s neck. 

“Me neither.” Dan breathed out, his voice getting lost. 

Phil continued kissing down Dan’s neck. It was so sensitive and he could feel every little nip and suck that Phil as producing. It felt so amazing and he was sure Phil was going to leave marks but he didn’t care. 

He just wanted to continue feeling good. 

Just as he was feeling the marks go deeper, rupturing sweet euphoria into his bloodstream, Phil pulled away, leaving Dan clawing for him to come back. Phil chuckled, rolling his eyes in a loving way as he bent down and kissed Dan’s cheek. 

“How far do you want to go?” Phil asked, his breath tickling Dan’s cheek. 

“I want all of you.” Dan said, no hesitation in his voice. “I want  _ you. _ ” 

“Are you sure?” 

Dan nodded. “I’m one hundred percent sure.” 

Phil leaned down and kissed him one more time, long and deep, before he scrambled back and off from the bed. Dan sat up to watch what Phil was doing and when he saw Phil pull out his wallet and two little packets, he smiled to himself. 

He continued to look at Phil long enough to see him removing his boxers and letting his cock springfree so Dan quickly did the same, taking off his boxers and freeing himself before removing his shirt and throwing it off to this side. 

Phil moved back across the bed and over top of Dan and as he did so, he kneeled back and sat on his calves and ripped open the packet of lube and squeezed it over his fingers. Dan’s mouth began to drool. 

If he was being honest, one of his favorite things was to be fingered. It seemed like such an odd thing to like but ever since Dan’s first boyfriend had done it to him it a few years ago, it had always been his go to foreplay, even when he didn’t need to be stretched. 

Phil’s fingers slowly moved down, pressing against his rim as they covered the area with lube. Phil slowly inserted one finger, pushing down to the knuckle and waiting. Dan’s breathing began to pick up its pace, even just the one finger that wasn’t  _ hardly  _ enough for him was feeling amazing. 

“You can go deeper.” Dan whispered. “I like this.” 

Phil smirked at him as he moved deeper, slowly inviting himself into Dan. Dan’s breathing caught in his throat and he let out little whimpers as Phil slowly moved in and out, making him relax nearly immediately. 

Not long after, Phil added a second finger and Dan felt  _ gone _ . His fingers kept making a ‘come here’ motion and every time he moved, he hit that little bundle of nerves inside of Dan, making him moan. 

They were probably being loud and Dan really should have been mindful of that but as far as he knew, both his Dad and Julian were downstairs. So he really wasn’t going to worry about the possibility of anyone interrupting them. 

Phil added a third finger a few moments later but Dan was so close to cumming that he immediately asked Phil to just  _ fuck  _ him already. Phil removed his fingers from inside of him and he felt an immediate sense of loss that was making him so mad. 

He needed Phil. He needed Phil’s  _ cock. _

Phil ripped open the condom packet and rolled it on carefully before squeezing lube over himself and lathering himself up. Dan watched as he moved closer in between Dan’s legs and slowly positioned himself, lining himself up with Dan. Dan could feel his blunt head nudging in, begging for entrance. So he relaxed and let Phil in. 

It hurt a bit. Dan wasn’t prepared for how big Phil truly was. The initial entry was near painful and he, for a second, contemplated asking Phil to stop and pull out. But Phil waited for him to adjust, even as Dan was scratching the shit out of his back. And when Dan was relaxed enough, he slowly pushed in all the way to the hilt. 

It was fascinating, really. Dan couldn’t believe that this was happening, that he and Phil were having sex right then and it was the best sex he’s ever had. He was near sure that Phil was going to ruin sex for him forever but he didn’t care. 

Phil began to move slowly, letting Dan’s body continue to adjust to the intrusion. But when Dan was finally completely relaxed, they slid together nearly seamlessly and it was the most bliss Dan had ever felt in his life. 

Phil’s thrusts were short and shallow but they were hitting Dan’s prostate nearly dead on every time. If Dan hadn’t been so lost in all the pleasure, eyes rolling back in his head until all you could see was white, he would have been embarrassed by how fast he had come. 

He came within just a few minutes, and not long after Phil followed, spilling white into the condom. 

It wasn’t the longest sex in the world but that didn’t matter to Dan, nor to Phil. 

They got to experience each other and each other’s bodies and that was all that mattered to them. 

Phil pulled out slowly as they both caught their breaths and he disposed of the used condom by tying it and throwing it in a bin by Dan’s bed. Dan felt sluggish and languid, unable to even speak. But when Phil came back and laid with him in bed and they cuddled up together, he managed to muster a, “That was the best sex I’ve ever had.” 

And with a laugh, Phil replied, “I can  _ definitely  _ say the same.” 

***

 

Much like before, when Dan woke up, Phil wasn’t there again. But this time, he knew it was because Phil had to go to work. They had talked about it briefly on the beach the previous day and about Phil’s work schedule and when they were going to meet again. 

Slowly, he rose up in bed, suddenly realizing how naked he was and the sharp but also dull pain in his backside. He smiled. He had had sex with Phil the previous night. It had been amazing. And frankly, he could not wait to have sex with Phil again. 

He began to get up, walking around his room to tidy up and put on some clothes. He threw on a pair of jeans and a black graphic tee before he wandered into the hallway to use to the bathroom. 

He was near the door when he heard laughter coming from downstairs. Normally he wouldn’t have noticed this, nor thought anything about it. But he recognized this laughter. It was Phil’s: his tongue poking out of his teeth laughter that Dan loved. 

Phil was still here. 

Dan quickly rushed down the stairs, bathroom forgotten. As he rounded the corner he spotted Phil sitting at the kitchen table with his dad and Julian, all of them enjoying a big breakfast of what appeared to be eggs and toast. 

He walked in and everyone turned to face him. Phil’s face lit up and he immediately motioned for Dan to come over and sit with them, which Dan was going to do anyway. But the sight of Phil motioning for him made him feel sappy and soft inside. 

He took a seat next to Phil where an empty plate was left out and grabbed a few eggs and a slice of toast. He was beginning to pick up his fork when his dad spoke. 

“Phil is a nice kid, Dan. Where have you been hiding him?” 

Dan blushed and Phil chuckled again. 

His dad just winked at them, causing Dan’s blush to deepen as he cut up his egg and took a bite: it was a little cold. 

It was nice, Dan thought. It was nice to sit here, as a family, with Phil, and have a home cooked breakfast. He hadn’t ever had this back home, his mother never had time for it. But this was nice, and it felt good to sit down like this as a family and eat. 

They spent the time talking about what their plans were for the day and Phil quickly got up to leave so he wouldn’t be late for work. Dan walked him to the door and on the way out, he planted a nice, long kiss to his lips before saying a quick goodbye and letting him leave. 

When he returned, he was expecting for the same light-hearted conversations to continue but instead he was met with his dad sitting, waiting for him, with his arms crossed over each other on the kitchen table. 

“Dan, we should talk.” His father began. 

Dan could feel the anxiety knotting his stomach. His father had heard him and Phil last night and now he was going to be in trouble and everything was going to spiral down a hole and… 

“I can tell from that look that you’re freaking out but I promise, it’s nothing bad.” 

Dan let out the breath that he didn’t even know he had been holding. 

“Okay?” Dan began, dragging out the word. 

“We need to talk about Phil.” His dad said, his tone serious. 

Julian ‘oohed’ and Dan reached across the table and swatted his arm for him to shut up. 

“What about Phil?” 

“You need to be careful, Dan.” His father began. “You’re leaving soon and I’m not sure if getting into a serious relationship is the right thing right now.” 

Dan felt like his heart was ready to drop out of his chest. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re leaving the middle of next month, Dan. That’s only around five weeks away. You can’t expect to seriously have a relationship with Phil if you’re never going to see him again.” 

Dan tried to swallow down the vomit that was rising in his throat. That thought made him anxious, nervous, and sad. He had forgotten about that. How close he was to actually leaving and going back to New York. 

He was going to have to leave Phil behind. 

“I’m not asking you to stop seeing Phil,” his dad continued, “because it’s obvious you two have a connection. But all I’m asking is for you to look at the future and really think about how you want this relationship to proceed.” He paused for a moment. “Have you talked to Phil about this?” 

Dan shook his head. 

“Maybe you should. See what he wants for your relationship and then you tell him what you want.” His father sighed. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt, Dan. I may not have been there for you growing up, but I was there long enough to know how awful it is to know that your son is upset and there is nothing you can do about it.” 

Dan could feel tears rising up to his eyes, brimming his waterline as he struggled to keep them at bay. He tried to turn his head away from his dad in time but he couldn’t as the first tear fell and then the next one continued after. 

The thought of leaving Phil actually hurt him. He couldn’t leave Phil. He wanted to stay with Phil. He l—, he just wanted to be with Phil. That’s all he wished for in life. 

“Oh Dan, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just wanted you to think about the future.” 

Dan nodded and turned back, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. “I know.” He said, his voice hoarse. “I’ll talk to Phil about it.” 

Dan continued to sit in the chair, turning his face away from his father. He was ready for his dad to get up and leave but instead, his dad got up and wrapped a loose arm around his shoulder, pulling in for an awkward hug. Then, he left exiting the kitchen and heading to the living room. Julian left following their dad and started talking to him about going to the diner for dinner. 

Dan finally got up and walked outside, standing on the deck, and letting the cool airy mist of the ocean hit his skin. He was not ready to go back. He was not ready to leave all of this behind just to go back to New York City. 

And more importantly, he didn’t want to leave Phil behind either. The sad part was, he might not have a choice. 

 


	4. July Part 2: Phil

Phil didn’t know that love could exist until he met Dan. It seemed like such an extreme thing to say, especially when he had dated Portia for so long. But the fact was that it was the truth. He really hadn’t known what love felt like until he met Dan. 

And now he was convinced that he never wanted to feel anything different. 

Every time he looked into his brown eyes and saw him smile, his heart clenched. The happiness that Dan radiated was contagious and when Dan was happy, Phil was happy. He was  _ extremely  _ happy actually, happier than he’d ever been. 

He hadn’t seen Dan in a few days, but he missed him. He missed those brown eyes and that set of dimples and that smile. He’d missed the feeling of Dan’s lips against his and the intimacy that they had just discovered with each other. 

In some ways, Phil thought that it was too soon to be this infatuated with Dan. He shouldn’t have been having these  _ feelings  _ this soon when he had only known Dan for a little over a month. But he did and he was not going to let them stop him and hold him back from enjoying this last month with Dan to its fullest. 

Phil kept working on auto pilot as he zoned out, assaulted by these thoughts. He had an entire box of new vinyls sat in front of him and he was trying to put them away. But when he pulled out the Muse album that had just come out, his heart fluttered. 

Everything was going to remind him of Dan from now on. Every  _ little  _ thing. He was going to be thinking of Dan every time he closed his eyes. He was going to see Dan in his dreams. The face that Dan made as he reached his own pleasure, climaxing so beautifully under him. He shuddered at the memory. 

He had been intimate with people before, namely Portia. He had actually done the majority of his sexual activities with Portia. But nothing that Portia had done or had shown in her expression gave him the same level of ego-boosting satisfaction that Dan had. When he would finish with Portia, he would normally just pull out and fall asleep. But being with Dan, made him feel full, complete. He was honestly ready to go again and again and again just to see Dan’s face curl up in the same way that it had. 

He could have continued thinking it all day but the small bell that signalled the store’s door opening interrupted him. He turned his head and sighed. 

He hadn’t seen Portia in a few weeks and he wasn’t too keen on seeing her now either. He didn’t even remember the last time he had texted her or messaged her on Facebook. He had been so focused on Dan lately that he had blocked everyone else out of his head. 

“When is your break?” 

Phil was busy running his hand through the box, trying to ignore that she was here but evidently, that wasn’t going to possible. Not when she wanted to talk. 

“My lunch break is at 1:30 and then my ten minute is at 5.” He spoke without turning around to face her. 

“Can we talk when you’re on one of them?” Portia’s high pitched voice rang through the shop. 

Phil actually turned around and looked up at her, figuring he needed to actually face her as much as he didn’t really want to.  Her breasts were nearly hanging out of a black crop top and tight fitting denim shorts hugged her hips. A year ago, Phil probably would have taken her into the back room and removed her clothing like it was his job. But today, he was just staring at her with an incredulous look. 

“What do you want to talk about?” 

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. “Do you really not know, Phil?” She asked, her voice raising in pitch, like that was even possible. “You ghosted me a month ago, telling me that you wanted our relationship to end. And you never even gave me an explanation. I think I deserve one.” 

Phil swallowed, a knot getting caught in his throat. He knew he had taken the coward’s way out when it came to Portia. He had sent her a simple text telling her that he was having doubts and that he thought they should take a break. Then he ignored her texts until they stopped. It was partly why he didn’t even remember if they’ve spoken ever since. It was clear now that they hadn’t. 

“I don’t have much to say.” He finally answered, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Don’t pull this  _ shit  _ with me.” She gritted out. “I know you’re dating someone else so just tell me it to my face.” Her teeth were clenched and her face was turning red with anger. “I’ve been talking to your mom and she told me you brought a guy over to your house. And not just any guy, but by the description, the same guy who  _ ruined  _ your Armani shirt.” 

“Dan didn’t  _ ruin  _ anything.” Phil countered quickly, his defense raising. 

“Oh, so he has a name now?” Portia asked. 

Phil felt anger course through him. He couldn’t believe Portia was talking about Dan this way …actually  _ no.  _ That was a lie. Portia was  _ totally  _ the one to do this. She always had been. 

“Yes, he does.” Phil snapped back. “And I’m not going to discuss him with you.” 

“This is  _ fucking  _ ridiculous.” Portia sighed and crossed her arms tighter around her. “You left me for a  _ fucking  _ guy and you can’t even tell me this when we break up.” 

“I wasn’t with Dan when we broke up.” Deep down, that was a lie. Phil knew he had kissed Dan—well, made out with him was a better way to put it—but it was the same night he broke up with Portia. Because kissing Dan felt the way that it was supposed to feel when he kissed someone. It was how he had felt with Portia when they had first met in school. 

There was a long silence between them. Phil felt guilty that he could see her green eyes brimming with unshed tears and hear the noise of her sniffling occasionally. 

“Is he nice?” 

The question hung suspended in the air as Phil took time to process that she was talking to him. Her sudden change was… _ strange,  _ for lack of a better word anyway. 

“He’s amazing, Porsche.” 

She blinked a few times and turned her head, her blonde locks falling down her shoulder and cascading down her back. Phil felt his heart clench when he saw a tear travel down her cheek. But she quickly rubbed it away and sighed. 

“Are you dating him?” She asked next, her voice wavering. 

“Yes, we’re dating.”

Phil looked down at the ground for a moment. Portia’s chest was heaving and tears were pouring down her skin, landing on the fabric of her top. 

“Portia, I’m…” 

He didn’t get to finish that because the bell rang again and he looked over her shoulder to see the same brown eyed boy walk in, a bag of take out in his hand. Portia turned her head, and seeing him was all it took for her to brush off her tears and leave, rushing by Dan quickly on her way out. 

Phil saw Dan turning to watch her leave. 

He slowly stood from his kneeling position and stared at Dan until Dan turned back his way and flashed him a soft smile. “I brought food from the diner for your lunch.” He said, his voice sheepish. 

Phil hurried over and took the bag from him, hugging him tight as he kissed his cheek and nuzzled his hair. God, he had missed Dan so much. 

“Did I interrupt something?” Dan asked. 

Phil shook his head. “No. You came at the right time.” He pulled away. “I missed you so much, Dan.” 

Dan gave him his million dollar smile.

“I missed you too.” 

***

The beach was vacant most of the day due to the stormy weather in the horizon. So later that same evening, just before the sun was about to set, Phil found himself all alone with Dan. They buried their toes in the sand as they sat on a woven blanket that Dan brought out from his house. The sun was just disappearing down the horizon but there was still a soft glow across the water. 

“It’s kind of amazing, isn’t it?” 

Phil turned to Dan and saw him staring straight ahead at the never-ending ocean. “The ocean?” Phil asked, not sure what Dan was talking about. 

Dan turned his head towards him and shook it slowly. “Well, no. I just meant all of this.” 

“All of what?” 

Dan sighed, his shoulder rising and then falling down beside him again as he released some tension. “I think I just mean that it’s kind of amazing how we met.” 

Phil found himself chuckling. “Oh, like how you spilled cherry slushie on my shirt?” 

Dan fought back a laugh. Phil could tell that he was trying to keep the conversation serious and tried to lighten the mood. Dan eventually broke and let out a snort. “You know I still feel bad about that.” 

“You shouldn’t.” Phil commented. “The shirt honestly wasn’t anything special to me.” 

Dan blushed. “I wish we had met on better terms.”

“The way we met was perfect.” Phil whispered, leaning forward. He caught Dan’s lips in his own and reached up, his hand coming to rest on Dan’s jaw. 

Their kisses deepened, but not sexually. It was more like they just craved the other person and didn’t want to give up the pleasure that they were getting from each other. Phil only pulled back when the need to breathe took over, his chest heaving rapidly in a desperate attempt of getting some oxygen in his lungs. 

Dan’s lips were red and swollen slightly, and it was honestly the most beautiful sight that Phil had ever seen. His cheeks had a red tinge to them and Phil felt the need to lean in and press a kiss to one. So he did and felt Dan shiver under his touch. 

When he was done, he found himself staring into Dan’s brown eyes and just smiling. He had never seen this amount of adoration for him. The amount of love that he could see pouring from Dan’s eyes was intoxicating. He felt exactly the same way and he wanted to tell Dan about his feelings so badly but he bit his lip. 

He couldn’t say it yet. 

Instead, he leaned in again and reconnected their lips in a soft peck. He went to press another kiss to Dan’s lips when Dan smiled against him and whispers, “Do you want to do something crazy?” 

Phil leaned back and cocked his brow. 

“Come on,” Dan whispered as he stood up and held his hand out, “follow me.” 

Phil took his hand and followed him. They walked across the sand and found themselves with their bare toes in the edge of the water, the waves rushing over them and cooling the tops of their feet. 

Phil was about to ask Dan what he was doing until suddenly, Dan’s sweatpants were pushed almost all the way down and tossed to the side and Dan stood bare naked, his body on display for Phil. Phil almost panicked because  _ anyone  _ could see them. But Dan didn’t care, he threw his shirt out of the line of the water and onto the dry sand with his pants and ran into the water until he was waist deep. As he was treading through the water, he turned to look at Phil. 

“Are you coming in?” He asked with a chuckle. 

“As in skinny dip?” Phil clarified. 

Dan nodded. “I’m only here for another month, Phil.” He said. “I want to live a little and enjoy the time I have left here. So come skinny dip with me.” 

Phil found himself looking around quickly, making sure that no one was watching them. He began to undo his belt, quickly ripping it open and unbuttoning his jeans. He tried to slip them down as fast as he could but he was clumsy and faltered. He regained his balance just in time to look up and see Dan covering his mouth as he tried to not laugh. 

He managed to get his jeans and boxers off and threw them to the shore and just as fast, he removed his shirt as well. He was naked and feeling exposed, so he quickly ran into the water and winced at the cool touch on his most sensitive area. 

He caught up to Dan in the water and wrapped his arms around him, holding their water slick bodies together as they rocked with the waves and shivered from the cold. “This was a stupid idea.” Phil laughed. 

Dan laughed back and nodded against his shoulder. “It was. But that’s what makes it fun.” 

“We’re gonna get caught.” 

Dan shook his head. “Nah. I doubt it.” 

“God, you bring out a totally different side to me.” 

Dan chuckled and pressed a wet kiss to Phil’s shoulder. “Good.” He breathed out. 

Phil looked down and watched the way Dan’s skin rippled down his back with chills and shivers, little goosebumps littering the delicate flesh. “Are you too cold?” Phil asked concerned. 

Dan leaned his head back and shook it softly. “I mean, I kind of am. But your body is warm and it feels good.” 

Their skin was pressed together and it should feel dirty, them being naked and out in the open in the ocean. But it didn’t. It felt intimate and beautiful and Phil loved it. 

Phil could feel Dan’s hardness against his hip. And he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t love this new feeling of vulnerability he got when he was with Dan, nobody had ever made him feel like that. “You’re hard.” 

Dan blushed furiously and choked out a breath. “Yeah…voyeurism is  _ actually  _ a kink of mine.” 

“Being naked in the open?” Phil asked. 

Dan shook his head. “No…” He swallowed. “The idea that someone else could be watching us right now. Watching me.” 

Phil cocked his eyebrow and allowed his hands to wander down Dan’s back, over his perfect ass, and squeezed. “Watching us do what?” Phil asked, his own cock beginning to take interest under the water and grow hard. 

Dan met his eyes and leaned forward, brushing his lips against Phil’s as he whispered, so softly, “Do you want to finger me?” 

Phil’s breath hitched and he nodded as he connected their lips in a deep kiss, his tongue slipping past and licking inside of Dan’s mouth. He moved his hand around Dan’s hip and squeezed the soft flesh there before he moved further south and took Dan’s member in his hand, tugging slightly at the hardening flesh. 

He could hear Dan’s whimpers in his ear and the shortened airy breath on his skin as Dan struggled to remain grounded. He continued to stroke, letting the water around them be the lubricant he needed to keep his hand moving quickly on the velvety flesh. 

Dan was throbbing in his hand and a whimpering mess above the water. Phil felt a bout of satisfaction at how he caused this and how he was the one making Dan feel really good. 

“Nnnngg.” Dan whimpered as his hands came up to grip onto Phil’s arm. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to cum.” 

“You don’t want to cum yet?” Phil asked with a smirk. Dan nodded. 

“Please, finger me now” Dan moaned, his voice absolutely wrecked. “I need you inside of me in some way and I really want your fingers.” He paused and proceeded to beg with a “please.” 

Phil nodded and let go of Dan’s cock long enough to move his hand around, his fingers tracing the path from Dan’s balls and up his perineum in between the soft mounds of flesh. Dan spread his legs a little bit wider under him and Phil’s fingers finally came into contact with the soft puckered flesh. 

He stroked over the skin a few times before Dan moaned softly. “Please push inside.” 

“We don’t have lube.” 

“That’s okay.” Dan sputtered out. “I do this all the time. I promise, I’ll be okay.” 

Phil nodded and kissed Dan once more silently asking for consent before he slowly pushed his finger in and Dan let out a loud moan. Phil immediately chased it with a kiss so they weren’t heard and he slowly began to move his finger in and out. 

Phil was quite surprised at how fast Dan relaxed and opened up for him. He was able to add a second digit not long after and search for the special spot inside of Dan. He made a ‘come here’ motion and felt the ball of nerves rub on his fingertips. Dan grabbed onto Phil harder pressing his head into his neck, and nearly screamed. 

Phil held him close and continued to press and stroke the same spot until Dan whimpered that he was going to cum, and not long after, his body stilled, his walls began to contract, and although he couldn’t see it, he could feel that Dan was cumming quite hard into the water. 

Just the sight alone made Phil feel pleasured and he carefully pulled out his fingers from Dan’s sensitive walls and wrapped his hand around himself, stroking as fast as he could until he was feeling the familiar pool in his stomach and cumming as well. 

They both stood in the water, catching their breath from what had just happened. It didn’t take long before Dan was laughing into Phil’s shoulder and Phil was laughing with him. “This was the craziest thing I’ve ever done.” 

Phil nodded and laughed because this was definitely the most risky thing he had done since the time he had fucked Portia in the beach bathrooms when they first started dating. But this had been more fun, more exhilarating. 

“I’m freezing my ass off now.” Dan commented, his body shaking and shivering in Phil’s touch. 

Phil was cold too, but his skin was still warm and flushed from his orgasm. 

“We should get out.” Dan continued, grabbing Phil’s hand as he began to walk to the edge of the water. The moonlight was their only light besides a few stray porch lights in the distance. No one was around and there was no way that they were going to be seen by anyone this far out. 

Dan got out of the water first and grabbed his clothing quickly slipping them onto his moist skin. Phil slipped his on as well, not even bothering to put his belt or anything on, and followed Dan to the blanket. He found himself cringing at the sand unconsciously exfoliating his skin inside his jeans, rubbing his legs raw. 

Dan had picked it up while Phil was dressing and he had the sand littered material wrapped around his lithe frame. Phil walked over to him and wrapped his arms around the blanket and held Dan close. 

“I’m really tired now.” Dan commented. 

Phil nodded and laughed. “Me too.” 

“But I don’t want to go to bed yet.” 

“Me neither.” 

Dan backed up enough for Phil to let him go and Phil watched as he turned and began to walk to his dad’s deck. He climbed up the steps of the porch and collapsed onto the lounge chair. Phil laid down beside him and let Dan curl into him as he wrapped the blanket around them both. 

There was a chill in the air now and their clothes were damp from them not drying off. But he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

He held Dan until he fell asleep under the soft breeze and faint moonlight and Phil followed him soon after. 

***

When Phil went home the next morning, he was unexpectedly greeted by his mother and Dolly downstairs in the kitchen, sitting at the breakfast bar. It surprised him because he couldn’t remember the last time his mom had actually been there when he got home in the morning. Normally she would have been gone to work already. 

“Good morning, sweetie.” She cooed as he walked further inside the kitchen and over to the bar. 

“Why are you home?” He asked, standing against the counter and looking at the pile of bacon on the plate. He reached out and grabbed a piece taking a bite as his mom reached down and gave Dolly a small piece of egg. 

“I decided to take a personal day off.” She spoke, her voice slightly rigid. “Where were you last night?” 

“I was with Dan.” Phil answered. 

“Who is Dan?” His mom questioned as she turned on her stool and faced him. “Was he the boy you had over here the other day?” 

Phil nodded. “Yeah.” 

“I had never seen him around before.” She questioned further. “How did you meet him?” 

“He’s from New York.” Phil said slowly and carefully. “He’s staying with his dad on the south end of the beach. He’s only here until mid-August.” 

“Oh!” His mom pipped up as she grabbed a glass of orange juice from it’s coaster. “That’s nice that you’ve made a new friend.” 

Phil sighed. He didn’t want to tell his mom about him and Dad but he had to at this point. He didn’t have much of a choice , he didn’t want to lie to her. “We’re not friends.” 

His mom cocked her eyebrow and just stared at him. “Oh? You’re not friends?” 

“No—mom, we’re dating.” 

His mother tensed and sat rigid on her stool. “Surely you’re not that  _ daft  _ to be actually dating a boy who is leaving in mid-August?” 

Phil swallowed back whatever snappy response his brain was conjuring up. “I’m dating him because I really like him.” 

“Phil, you’re leaving for  _ university  _ next month. What are you going to do when he goes to New York and you go to the U.K?” 

Phil didn’t want to think of that. He never wanted to think of that. He didn’t want to think of leaving Dan behind to be in another country even further away from him. 

“Or have you not thought about that?” She added. 

“I haven’t—”

“You need to be responsible about this Phil.” She pressed further. “You just got out of a long term relationship with Portia and you are now beginning to date this boy that you’ve only known for a month. And on top of that, you’re both leaving to go in two opposite directions. How is this going to work?” 

“I love him, mom.” 

There it was. Phil hadn’t spoken the words out loud yet but here they were, slipping out from between his lips. He tried to catch them but he couldn’t and now the words were suspended between them in a visible line. 

“Phil…” 

“I do, mom.” He whispered. “I can’t imagine my life without him anymore. I’ve never been as happy with someone as I am with him. And I will do everything in my power to make sure we still see each other after we both leave.” 

“How are you going to do that, sweetie?” She asked calmly, her voice softer. 

Phil sniffled and shook his head. “I don’t know.” 

A dam that Phil didn’t even realize was on his eyes burst and he was suddenly crying. His mother quickly stood up and wrapped her arms around him and although she was a foot smaller than him, he draped himself over her and hugged her as close as he could. He tried to take in her comfort. 

“Oh, baby.” She whispered rubbing his back. “If you really like this boy, I have no doubt that you will find a way to be with him.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Love always prevails all.” 

Phil nodded and sniffled, holding his remaining tears at bay as he stood back and wiped up his cheeks. 

“How about you invite Dan over sometime so we can meet him properly?” His mom asked him. “I’d love to get to know him.” 

Phil let out a watery smile and nodded slowly. “I can see if he’d like that.” 

“Please do.” 

She squeezed his arms a few more times for comfort and then stepped back. 

She sat back down and Phil sat down next to her, and at their feet Dolly barked making them both laugh. It was the first time in a while that he had felt this loved by his mom and he was really enjoying it. 

He invited Dan to come over a few days later, so after he got out of work, he picked him up at his dad’s house and brought him over. His mom was making a large dinner for them and his dad was supposed to be home too. Phil didn’t honestly remember the last time they had had a proper family dinner. 

Before they got out of the car, Phil exchanged a few kisses with Dan for comfort; he could tell that Dan was anxious, so he got out first and met Dan on the other side. They walked inside of his house hand in hand, much like last time. 

When they opened the door, Phil was greeted by Dolly first, barking and scratching at their feet. Dan immediately let go of his hand and bent down to pet the terrier before snuggling her close and letting her lick his cheek as he giggled. 

Phil loved Dan’s reactions to the dog. Portia had always ignored Dolly’s whimpers and walked by her. Dan actually cared enough to bend down and say a ‘hello’ into her fur. He wondered briefly is this is what it would be like when he and Dan got their own dog. 

Phil took Dan to the kitchen next where they were both greeted by his mom with an enthusiastic smile on her face. “Oh, you must be Dan!” She cooed as she enveloped him in a big hug. 

Phil chuckled to himself as he watched the way Dan’s face contorted and then quickly relaxed into a smile as he wrapped his arms around his mom’s small frame and returned the hug. She rubbed his back and then pulled away smiling brightly at him. “Oh, aren’t you a cute young man?” 

Dan blushed and let out a choked laugh and Phil laughed along with him. 

Before Dan had a chance to reply, Phil’s dad walked into the room and over to Dan, all dressed in a button down shirt and a nice pair of trousers. He took Dan’s hand in his own and shook it firmly. “Nice to meet you, Dan.” 

Dan nodded and returned the words. Phil walked up to him wrapping his arm around his midsection as they all stood together in the kitchen, Dolly barking at their feet. It felt nice to have Dan here and have his family giving him a good first impression. 

It had always been tense with Portia, but this felt natural. It felt nice. 

They ended up having dinner on the deck with the piano. As they ate their prime rib roast and mashed potatoes, Phil commented that Dan could play the piano. Immediately, both of his parents asked Dan about his piano playing. And somehow, not long after, Dan was sitting on the bench and playing them a short song. 

Phil didn’t miss how his mother teared up when Dan played and he also didn’t miss how his dad seemed to watch Dan’s hands as they moved so gracefully on the keys. It felt unreal that his parents were showing this much emotion towards Dan when just a few days before, his mom had questioned his choice to be with him. 

When Dan came back to sit next to him, he kissed him soundly on the lips. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t care if his parents were watching. He was just really proud of Dan and he wanted him to know that. He didn’t continue the kiss, he just let go and smiled proudly at him. 

Dan flashed him back a smile and wrapped an arm around his shoulders holding him close as his parents offered them some gelato for dessert. 

Phil decided to leave and take Dan home after the sunset. He planned on spending the night with Dan again so he bid his parents a quick goodbye and goodnight and told them that he’d see them in the morning. 

The car ride was mostly silent and Phil could tell that Dan was overwhelmed and thinking a lot of things. He couldn’t blame him though. He had never seen his family act like that with Portia. They had always been cold and their smiles forced, but tonight, they acted natural and comfortable. It made him feel really good that they liked Dan just as much as he did. 

But he could tell Dan was feeling overwhelmed and  _ that  _ made him anxious. So he took a detour for the parking area he used to frequent with his friends as a high schooler. It was on top of a cliff that overlooked the water but normally no one came at night unless they were a photographer. 

He parked in one of the parking spots and Dan looked up from his lap towards Phil. “What are we doing here?” He asked. 

“I thought we could spend some time alone.” Phil said. “Just you and me.” 

“We can do that on the beach” Dan questioned. 

“Well, yeah, but this is different.” 

Dan nodded slowly and Phil unlocked the doors to his car so they can both get out and sit on the benches that the town had set on the edge of the cliff so that people could overlook the water. Phil met Dan around the front of his car and they walked to the bench together, both sitting down at the same time. 

“It’s almost the end of July.” Phil said, breaking the silence. 

Dan turned to him and nodded. “I leave at the 15th of August.” 

“I don’t want you to go.” Phil continued, the breeze from the ocean moving his hair into his eyes. He quickly brushed it away. 

“Me neither.” Dan said. “When I left New York, I had a lot of doubts.” Dan admitted to him. He moved his legs and pulled one under this body as he settled onto the wood of the bench. “I hadn’t seen my dad in years. I didn’t even know if we’d get along. My brother and I never shared any common interests because of our age gap. I was just settled into thinking that this entire trip was going to be a disaster.” He swallowed. “But it wasn’t. It’s been the best couple of months of my entire life.” 

When Phil looked at him, he saw a tear stray down Dan’s cheek and he reached up to rub it away for him. Dan’s head lolled into his hand as Phil wiped away the continues line of stray tears from his skin. 

“Before you came,” Phil began slowly, “I thought that I’d marry Portia.” He had never spoken those words aloud but now they felt so wrong. He couldn’t even fathom that those were his thoughts just a few months ago. “I kind of had this feeling that I would actually propose to her by the end of this summer. We’d been together for a while and I felt settled with her, comfortable. But then you came and spilled slushie on me and I realised that I didn’t have to settle for her anymore.” 

Dan looked up at him and bit his lip as he moved his head away from Phil’s touch and sniffled. He brought his hand up to his eyes and wiped them stubbornly. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan whispered with a laugh. “I’m normally not this emotional.” 

“It’s okay.” Phil comforted him. “You can be emotional.” He felt the tears beginning to fill his own eyes and threaten to spill. 

“What’s going to happen to us?” Dan asked, his voice wavering. “When I leave and you stay here, what’s going to happen?” 

Phil’s tears spilled then but he tried to hide them. “Well,” he said, his voice wavering, “I’m not sure but I don’t want to give up on us.” 

Dan nodded and forced a smile at him. “Me neither. I don’t want to give up on us.” 

Phil leaned forward and placed his hand on Dan’s jaw, moving him forward as he leaned in as well and kissed him. Dan’s lip were wet with tears and salty to the taste but he didn’t care. He pressed deeper and allowed for himself to get lost—but only for a moment. 

When he pulled back, he could feel words settle on his tongue and when he opened his mouth, they came out. “I love you.” 

His eyes popped open and he was met with the same equal amount of surprise in Dan’s expression. He panicked for a moment.  _ Had he made a mistake?  _ He shouldn’t have said that. It was too soon. 

“I love you too.” 

The words cut through whatever thin layer of tension that Phil had created. And when Phil finally processed the words, he saw that Dan was crying quite hard and his chest was heaving up and down quite heavily. He immediately reached forward and gathered Dan in his arms and held him close as Dan cried and held him back.

“I love you so damn much.” Phil whispered. 

“I don’t want to leave you.” Dan said softly. “I don’t want to go back to New York knowing you are here.” 

Phil swallowed hard. “I’m not going to be here, Dan.” 

Dan pulled back, his face red and splotchy. “What do you mean?” 

“I’m going to university in the U.K.” He said. “Specifically, the University of York.”

“You’re not staying here?” Dan asked. 

Phil shook his head. 

“Why?” 

“My parents both grew up in Manchester and went to the University of York and they wanted me to go to there too. When I accepted my position there, I never expected to actually want to stay here.” He took a breath. “Until you came, I hated this town and I hated everyone here. Nothing happened here anymore. When I was a kid, I loved it, but now that I’ve grown up, I see how there isn’t anything for me here anymore. That’s why I was so excited to go to University in England.” 

“But that is exciting.” Dan countered, his voice clearly sad in tone. “You’re going to go and do amazing things. And you’re going to be amazing.” Dan smiled. “ _ Amazing  _ Phil.” 

Phil found himself laughing and he leaned in and caught Dan’s lips with his own in another kiss. “We’ll be okay.” He whispered against Dan’s lips. 

Dan nodded and brushed a smile back against his own lips. “We’ll be okay.” He repeated. 

They kissed softly and Phil tried to fight the sinking feeling in his chest when he thought about the inevitable events that were coming in just a few weeks. 

But he pushed those thoughts out of his mind for one night as he kissed Dan in the moonlight. 

***

Phil didn’t see much of Dan during the rest of the week. But he did manage to take Dan out to the diner one night after work. He grabbed a booth for them both and ordered a chocolate milkshake to share. 

He made sure to tell Dan how nice he looked and how much he loved him again as they sipped the shake. And every once in a while, they shared a few spare kisses across the table. Phil felt good about his life right then. He felt good about him and Dan again. 

No more doubts about his future. No more doubts about what was going to happen to them. He was just living in the moment, enjoying the time he had left with Dan. 

He made sure to enjoy more the moments they had together when Dan took him back to his house and they had sex one more time, silently in Dan’s bed. They were quiet besides hushed whispers and moans. But Phil was still convinced that there was nothing more beautiful than seeing Dan reach his peak and climax under him. 

When they cuddled up together that night, he let Dan sleep first and watched him. He was so peaceful, void of any worry and stress. He could see Dan’s hair coming down and nearly go into his eye so he reached over and brushed it away. Dan’s nose crinkled and he let out a shallow breath. 

Phil leaned down pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s forehead and then settled beside him, allowing himself to snuggle close Dan. He held him tight and tried to curl himself around Dan because in just two weeks time, he was not going to be able to do this. 

In two weeks time, he was going to lose Dan entirely and he was  _ not  _ ready. 


	5. August: Dan

It was a few days into August when Dan received a confirmation email from his airline that his flight was in fourteen days. He found himself staring at the screen of his cell phone, a massive pit in his stomach, as he read the details for his and Julian’s flight. 

It was a few hours after that when he got a text from his mom saying the same thing his email had said. She sent him a message saying she couldn’t wait to see her boys again and that she wanted him to tell Julian that she missed her baby. When Dan replied back, he felt like he should tell her that he wanted to stay here and be with Phil for a few more weeks. 

But he couldn’t. His fingers wouldn’t type the message on the screen. So he was left staring at a short message of ‘k’ that he had managed to type as tears clogged his eyes and began to spill over. 

He was in his room, fighting to wake up from the long hours he had spent with Phil the night before when they walked on the beach and just talked. He hadn’t gotten back to his house before midnight and Phil had left early that morning to attend a party his parents were hosting. 

So now, Dan was left lying in the bed with his thoughts and his tears as he braced for how fast this summer was going by. Back in June, he wouldn’t have wanted his summer last. He would have wanted it to go by even faster because he couldn’t wait to go back to New York City. 

But now he didn’t want to leave. He was scared of leaving Phil behind and he didn’t want to go back into a city that no longer felt like home to him. This place felt like home. This seemingly menacing trip had turned into the best two months of his entire life and leaving would mean that he was leaving behind these memories as well. He didn’t want that. 

He eventually swallowed back the tears and managed to wake up long enough to get up from his bed and quickly get dressed. When he left his room and headed downstairs, he found that his father and brother were sitting in the living room, making plans for their day. 

“Morning, Dan!” His father exclaimed as the floor creaks under Dan’s steps. 

“Morning.” He mumbled, turning on his heels to walk to the kitchen and get some breakfast, but-- 

“Did Phil stay last night?” 

Dan turned back to face his dad. He couldn’t read his expression. He nodded slowly. “Yeah, he was too tired to drive home.”

His father nodded once and then turned his attention back to Julian.  _ That’s weird.  _ Dan decided as he exited the living room and went to the kitchen, walking over to the refrigerator, pulling out the milk and grabbing a box of Lucky Charms from the counter. 

He poured and then ate his cereal in silence while his dad and Julian continued talking in the living room. In the meantime, Dan pulled out his phone while he was eating and read through some of the texts that he had been ignoring for the last few weeks. He could admit that he had been shit to all of his friends back home but it had been hard to keep in touch with them. In a way, they almost felt like the type of friends that stick around while you’re in town and then ditch you when you’re not. Perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing. 

He responded to a few different texts and he also managed to answer the new text got from his mother about what he wanted to do when he got back to the city. He just told her that he wanted to relax but she insisted on taking him and Julian somewhere for a welcome back trip. Dan wished she would just stop insisting and started listening but he had learned throughout the years that she wasn’t like that. 

It was partly why he came here, wasn’t it? 

He set down his phone just in time for his father to clap his hands in a loud gesture and begin talking. “So Dan, I was just talking to Julian here and I was thinking of taking him to the water park about an hour away.” 

Dan stared at him. 

“Did you want to come?” His father continued. 

Dan shook his head. “No.” 

“Why not?” His dad questioned. “You’re only here for a two more weeks, Dan. We have to do something together.” 

“I don’t want to go to a water park.” Dan answered truthfully. He didn’t even remember the last time that he had gone to one actually. He knew that his mom had taken him to the one in Upstate New York a few times as a kid but that’s about it. 

“Come on, Dan.” His father pressed. “I’ll pay your admission.” 

Dan shook his head. “I think I’m gonna wait for Phil to get done with his family’s party and then do something with him.” 

Dan was expecting for the conversation to end but it didn’t. The air suddenly changed and grew more dense. Dan felt constricted. “You’re not seriously still thinking that this thing you have with Phil is going to work out, right?” 

Dan snapped his head up. His nostrils flared. “Excuse me?” 

He could see Julian out of the corner of his eye, making eye contact with their dad and trying to make an expression of “you should end the convo” but of course, his dad didn’t. 

“You’re leaving in two weeks, Dan. It’s time to move on and cut the strings.” His father pushed. “You’ve spent all summer with Phil, ignoring any time you had to spend with me, which is what you came down here to do.” 

“You don’t  _ own  _ me.” Dan snapped back. “You didn’t care about me for the last twelve years. Don’t pretend that you do now.” 

“Dan, that’s not true.” His father held up his hand. “I care about you a lot. That’s why I’m trying to save you from this inevitable heartbreak.” 

“Oh what do  _ you  _ know about that?” 

Dan knew that the minute the words left his mouth that he had made a mistake but he didn’t make any effort to take them back. He just remained staring at his father as a redness wove it’s way into his father’s skin. 

He could tell that his father was gearing up to say something but he never did. He just remained silent as he turned his head away from Dan and faced Julian. “Come on, Julian. Let’s get ready to go.” 

Dan could feel a deep ache rise and remain in his chest. He shouldn’t have said that. He was angry and probably thinking irrationally. But this entire day had been a mess of emotions and the mention of leaving Phil wasn’t making it any easier on him. 

Dan went back to eating, his now soggy cereal, as his father got up from the living room and walked upstairs with Julian to get ready. When they left the house, Dan didn’t even look up from the table. 

He tried to ignore the fact that he had made his father upset but he continued to think about it the entire day while they were gone. And to make matters worse, Phil couldn’t even hang out with him that evening because his parents took him to another party by surprise. 

But Dan had one more person he could text: Lyle. He hadn’t heard from him since the party, but now was as good of a time as any to see if he could hang out one more time before Dan left. 

He sent him a quick text and laid in bed until his phone vibrated and he unlocked the screen to see a text from Lyle. They were going to meet up under the boardwalk where the party had been held. 

Dan got up and quickly threw on a pair of shoes before disappearing out of the house. The boardwalk wasn’t too far away and he was going to be able to finally be cured of the somber thoughts he had been having since the argument with his father. He needed a break. 

When he edged closer, he saw Lyle standing on the beach, a lit cigarette in between his fingers and his hoodie sleeves encompassing his hands. Dan waved to get his attention and Lyle waved back, turning around and putting out his cigarette into the cement wall. Dan was pretty sure that was illegal but he wasn’t going to comment considering he had both drank and smoked weed on this same beach not too long ago. 

“Hey, Dan! Long time no see.” Lyle said to him. 

Dan smiled and moved faster to catch up with him. 

“Hey!” It was a bit awkward between them. Probably because of the fact that Dan hadn’t talked to Lyle in so long, but he tried to lighten the mood. “How have you been?” 

“Same old, same old.” Lyle said, hiking up the bottom of his sweatshirt as he dropped onto the sand and pressed his back against the dirty concrete wall. Dan followed suit and did the same taking a seat next to him. “Surprised that you remembered me. Last time I saw you, you left with Lester after my party.” 

“He just wanted to make sure that I got back okay.” 

“Hm...Lester, huh?” Lyle continued. “Never pinned you to be his type.” 

This wasn’t what Dan was expecting to talk about with Lyle. In fact, he had never thought he would even bring Phil up. The unnecessary mention of Phil caught him by surprise. 

“Why’s that?” Dan asked, his voice feeling small, and slightly cracked. 

“You really don’t know him all that well do you?” Lyle spoke with a laugh that curled his words. “I went to high school with Phil. He was nothing but a rich baby who got everything he had ever wanted. How he ended up with you after Portia Fuentes is amazing.” 

Dan felt like he had been slapped across the face.  _ Was that supposed to be an insult to him?  _

“Excuse me?” Dan asked. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

Lyle looked at him with wide eyes. “Are you for real, mate? Listen, I know Phil, okay? I’m not saying anything bad about you but look at you. You’re not a blonde chick.” 

Dan furrowed his brows. “I’m no bl--Lyle, what are you on about? Phil’s bisexual?” 

Lyle rose his hand to interrupt him. “Hey man, no harsh business is being dealt. I support you guys, but…” Lyle paused and Dan could tell whatever he was gearing to say was  _ not  _ going to be good. He could feel it. “I just didn’t expect you to be the type of person Phil was sticking his dick into.” 

“Stick his dick into?” Dan questioned. “Why would you even stereotype me like that?”   
Lyle stuck up his hands again. “I’m not trying to! I just didn’t expect you to get so worked up over it!” 

Dan threw his head back in disbelief and winced as it made contact with the wall behind him. “You really didn’t expect me to get upset when you bring up mine and Phil’s sex life?” Dan asked in disbelief. “This is unbelievable.” He paused. “You know, I came to hang out with you today to clear my head but I can see that it’s not going to work.” 

Dan went to push himself up, his hands digging into the sand, when Lyle’s hand came down and grabbed his arm, stilling him. “Dan, stop for a second.” Dan paused. “I’m not trying to upset you, I’m just trying to warn you.” 

Dan’s breathing picked up its pace and he felt like he was going to projectile vomit. 

Removing his hand from Dan’s arm, Lyle continued, “You’re not Phil’s type and he’s going to  _ hurt  _ you.” He said, his voice serious. “You really can’t expect Phil to go from Playboy poster child Portia to you, right? I heard he just broke up with her two months ago, you really expect him to want another relationship? And with a man from New York that he just met? No, mate, he wanted a rebound and you gave him what he was looking for.” 

Dan fought back the anxiety that rose under his skin. “You’re wrong.” He said back, his voice wavering. “You’re wrong. Phil and I are dating and you’re _ wrong. _ ” 

“Dan, seriously, think about this.” Lyle looked at him, making sure to catch his gaze. “I’ve known Phil since I was young. You’ve known him for two months. Just think about it. Does Phil really care about you or was he just looking for a warm hole to fuck?” 

Dan turned his head away and immediately stood up. He wasn’t going to sit here and listen to this. He couldn’t. Even if Lyle was trying to help him stave off a heartbreak, it  _ wasn’t  _ helping. 

He found his feet carrying him down the beach and Lyle’s voice was calling behind him. He felt tempted to stop and go back to talk it out with him, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to save himself from the darkness that Lyle was now putting in his head. 

Lyle didn’t follow him. 

He made it back to his dad’s house just in time for a tear to slide down his cheek. He wiped it off quickly and ignored it. He wasn’t going to allow himself to cry again. He went up to his room and fell onto the bed hoping that the day would go by quicker than it was. 

Dan was still in his room when the first knock appeared. Dan was ready to just call out and tell whoever it was to leave him alone. But he knew it was Julian or his dad, he wouldn’t want to do that. He needed to apologize for this outburst this morning. 

He stood up from his bed, where he had spent majority of his day, and walked over to the door. When he opened up, his dad was standing there, a bag in his hand. He handed it forward and Dan took hold of it, confused. 

“Julian wanted to get you a souvenir t-shirt so we got you one. It’s black...I know you like to wear black often.” 

Dan nodded and let his arm fall to his side. “Thank you.” 

His dad nodded and went to turn when Dan found himself stopping him. 

“I want to apologize.” 

His dad turned back to face him, his face trying to hold back a happy and relieved expression. “Apology accepted.” His father spoke softly. “But I think we need to have a little talk.” 

Dan nodded. He stepped out of the way and let his father into the room. They both went and sat down on his bed as Dan set the bag on the floor, promising to himself that he would look at the shirt later. “I understand that I pushed you too far this morning.” His father began. “It’s just that I don’t want to see you get hurt.” 

Dan looked at him, unsure of what to say. His father continued. 

“When your mom and I were getting ready to divorce, it was really difficult. We both wanted two different things and our ambitions were clashing with each other. I’m sure she never told you, but before we officially divorced, I moved down here for a few weeks. I told her that I’d let her know what it was like down here and maybe she could move here with you and Julian so we could continue being a family. But life didn’t work that way.” 

Dan could feel tears brimming his eyes. He had heard bits and pieces of his parents’ divorce story but nothing in full detail like that. It still didn’t change his mindset about the entire thing though. 

“The reason that I’m telling you this is to explain that sometimes, you think love might prevail any distance or problem that you have but sometimes it just can’t.” His father let out. “I don’t want you to get all the way back in New York with a promise from Phil that you’ll be together and then get your heart broken. And you won’t even get to see him again.” 

Dan squeezed his eyes and let a few tears leak from them and cascade down his cheeks. He choked back a sob and reached up, rubbing the stubborn tears away from his skin. “I don’t want to leave him.” Dan managed to get out before another sob tore from his mouth as he was trying to stifle them. 

“I know that, Dan.” His father tried to comfort him. “No one is saying you have to. But...you and Phil should have a serious talk about the future. You only have two weeks left here.” 

Dan found himself nodding again. His mind was thinking a million thoughts a minute and he was finding this all to be overwhelming. “I wish...” Dan began but his voice choked and he cleared his throat, “I wish I could stay here.” 

His father shook his head quickly. “There’s nothing here for you, Dan.” 

Dan shook his head. “No. You’d be here. And Phil’s here and...” 

“Dan,” His father interrupted. “Listen to me. You shouldn’t stay here just for me, or for Phil. You should go back to New York with your brother and your mom. She misses you two a lot. She messages me asking about you both every day.” 

Dan chuckled at that because that definitely sounded like his mom and it made him miss her more than he’d missed her these past few months. 

“New York is your home right now, Dan.” His father continued. “And you should go back there. There is much more for you to do there than here. As much as I’d love to have you down here, it just doesn’t make sense when you can go back to New York where you can literally do what you want to in life.” Dan looked at him and tried to force out a smile. “You’re always welcome here.” 

Dan opened his arms and moved forward, wrapping them around his dad in a hug. He never expected to hug his father, but he let himself do it and just feel comforted by him for a split second. 

When he pulled away, his dad was staring at him with a teary eyed smile. He rubbed Dan’s back for a moment and then pulled his hand away as he stood up. “I really hope that you and Phil can work something out.” He said, much to Dan’s surprise. “He’s a nice kid.” 

Dan let out an unexpected laugh and nodded. “He’s actually one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.” 

His father smiled at him and began to move towards the door. “Your brother and I are going to go out for pizza later, would you want to come with us?” Dan found himself nodding and his father’s smile widened. “I’ll let you know when we’re getting ready to leave.” 

His father left the room shutting the door behind him and Dan felt a lot better in than he had before their talk. But that still didn’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach that he got every time he thought about going back to New York. 

Dan saw Phil the next day when Phil picked him up at his house and drove to the same cliff where they had their serious conversation. Dan had suggested it, and Phil was slightly against it until Dan told him that he just wanted somewhere to go that wasn’t the beach. 

They parked like they did before but because there were more people there, they just decided to remain in the car. At first, Phil just began to talk about his day, telling about all of the people that came into the record shop and how he thought it was their busiest day in nearly a year. 

He was about to speak again when Dan felt the need to speak and so he did, cutting Phil off mid-sentence. 

“Can I come to England with you?” 

Phil quickly turned to stare at Dan. “What—no?” 

“Why not?’ 

Phil undid his seatbelt and turned in his seat. “You can’t come with me to England, Dan. Think about it.” 

Dan swallowed back. “You don’t want me to go with you.” 

“No!” Phil leaned forward and reached for his hands and Dan let him do it, extending his own. “That’s not what I meant…Dan, come on.” 

“Why wouldn’t you want me to go with you?” Dan asked. “I have a passport. I’m over eighteen. I could just jump plans and…” 

“Dan…” Phil’s voice was soft as he shook his head. “Baby, no.” 

Dan squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the tears begin again. He shouldn’t be getting this emotional over this, or really anything. But he couldn’t help it. He had a little less than two weeks left. 

“I’m sorry.” Dan said finally. “That was a stupid idea. I know I can’t possibly go with you.” 

Phil let go of his hands long enough to bring his hands up to Dan’s face, cradling his cheeks in his palms. “We’ll see each other again.” He whispered. “I can visit New York and maybe one day, you can visit me.” 

Dan nodded and forced a fake smile. “Okay.” 

Phil pulled him forward and placed a kiss on his forehead: it was chaste, but it also comforting. 

They kissed on the lips a few times before Phil pulled back and suggested that they go and get something to eat. So they pulled away from the overlook in silence and Phil drove them downtown to a Chinese place that Dan had never been before. 

Dan didn’t want to admit it, but he can see the vacancy appearing in Phil’s eyes. He could sense the tension and he could feel the pull. It didn’t feel the same anymore, and he knew it was because he was leaving. 

***

Dan didn’t like how fast the time went by. It felt like it had only been a day but before he knew it,  there was only one week until he had to leave. He had begun to slowly pack his suitcase and he had been trying to do more with his dad and Julian. He had even gone with them to some arcade that Julian wanted to go to just because he felt like he should spend more time with his dad. 

Dan hadn’t even seen Phil since the day that Dan had decided to spill out that he wanted to go to England with him. He still felt so  _ goddamn  _ stupid about that outburst but he had tried to push it out of his head. He had tried to convinced himself that Phil’s odd behaviour wasn’t because of that outburst. 

It was Friday night now, six days before he was set to leave, and his dad took him and his brother out to dinner at a pizzeria downtown. Dan tried to ignore the fact that the pizzeria was right across from the record store, but when he glanced inside through the window, he could see Phil stacking a new display in the corner. 

He just wished he could talk to Phil and have the reassurance that they were going to be okay.  _ Maybe he’ll text Phil to come over later.  _

His dad opened the door for him and Julian and they stepped inside and took a small table next to the window. Dan slid into the chair that was next to the glass and acted like he didn’t have the inclination to watch the record shop. He didn’t want to sound like a stalker. He just wanted to see Phil again…that’s all. 

He ordered a coke and then two slices of pepperoni pizza. His brother and father order a pizza to split but Dan wasn’t that hungry. 

“Well,” his dad said after a while, “it’s nearly time for you two to go home already.” 

“I miss home.” Julian butted in. “But I also really like it here.” 

Their dad nodded and smiled at them both. “I think we should do a toast.” He raised up his coke bottle and Dan found himself laughing. He picked up his own bottle and Julian picked his up too. “Cheers to the amazing summer we all just had. And let’s toast to maybe even  _ more  _ summers here in the future.” 

Both Dan and Julian nodded as they all brought their bottles in and clacked the plastic tops. Dan chuckled at how anti-climatic the entire thing had been but it had also been special to him. He would have never admitted it before he left, but he was going to genuinely miss this place when he left. And he was going to make it his mission to visit here as often as he could. 

Their pizza came out not long after the ‘toast’ and they all indulged in the greasy pepperoni and cheap cheese chatting happily. Dan wouldn’t have it any other way. He had really enjoyed himself. 

With his high from the great dinner he had shared with his dad and brother, Dan went back to his dad’s house feeling pretty good, so he decided to text Phil and ask him to come over. Phil agreed to and Dan was grateful for the chance to see him again. 

When Phil arrived, Dan gave him a big hug and told him how much he had missed him, but the tension in Phil’s body was an automatic red flag for him. He suddenly felt panic seep under his skin like a venom. Bile was rising in the back of his throat and he tried to push it back, imagining that he hadn’t noticed how different Phil was acting. 

They headed out back and sat in the lounge chairs on the beach. Dan started by telling Phil about his day with his dad and brother, he told him about the pizzeria and how it had surprisingly good pizza for not being New York. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty good pizza.” Phil answered back but Dan noticed there was no tone to his words. 

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked. “Is something up?” 

Phil seemed reluctant to answer at first and Dan could feel goosebumps rise under his skin. He knew this expression and if the feeling of his heart beating wildly in his chest was anything to go by, this wasn’t good. 

“Phil?” Dan asked, his voice breaking as he reached out and laid a hand on Phil’s arm. “Please tell me what’s going on.” 

“We need to talk.” 

Dan’s eyes watered and he could feel his throat constrict, making it harder to breathe. He knew what was coming but that didn’t help him prepare for the sheer force of Phil’s words when Phil looked at him and slowly said. 

“I think we shouldn’t continue our relationship.” 

Dan felt the first tear spill and rush down his cheek. He tried to control the rest but it was like floodgates had opened and the next tears came out just as easily. He held back a sob long enough to let out, “Why?” 

Phil sighed and ran his hands through his hair, combing his fingers through the black strands. “We’re going two different directions, Dan. You’re going to New York and I’m going to the U.K.” He stopped. “But even if I wasn’t going to the U.K, you’d still be going back to New York and I’d be here. We would never see each other.” 

“We can make it work.” Dan heard himself pleading. “Please don’t do this.” 

Dan could see through his own blurry vision that Phil’s cheeks were glistening, he was crying too. In some morbid way, that made him feel good because it meant that Phil was hurting too. But that still didn’t stop Dan from feeling as if his heart was being ripped from his body and broken into shards right in front of him. 

“I didn’t want it to come to this.” Phil continued. “I’ve thought so damn hard about it but I think it’s really for the best.” 

“How could it be for the best?” Dan asked, trying to hang onto any of the last strings between them that haven’t snapped. “Please tell me that.” 

“Dan…this was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life.” Phil answered back, his voice watery. “I love you so damn much, but maybe that’s why I have to let you go. It wouldn’t be good for us if we strain our relationship.” 

“We wouldn’t strain it.” 

“Dan, please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” Phil pleaded. 

Dan sat back in the lounge chair and covered his face just in time for the sobs to release from their holds and exit loudly from his body. He was sure that this was the hardest he had ever cried in his life and he could feel his body shake. 

Somewhere in the distance, he could hear Phil’s sobs too and they broke his heart even further. It shouldn’t hurt this bad to end a relationship but it did. It hurt so  _ fucking  _ much. It made his body ache and his chest sore from its heaving. 

He didn’t even register when Phil took him into his arms and held him close. “I’m going to miss you so much.” Phil whispered as he held him. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” 

Phil held him for a little while longer but eventually, his warmth was gone. And the next time Dan removed his hands from his eyes, the chair next to him was empty and Phil was no longer around. He sniffled and tried to wipe the wetness from his face but he couldn’t stop the tears that continued to spill and dropped onto his already wet shirt. 

Dan stayed outside on the beach for a while, letting his cries calm down to gentle whimpers. He was still crying but not as hard. His heart still hurt but it didn’t feel like a fresh wound anymore, it just felt like a deep seated ache that wasn’t going to go away. 

He watched the waves go in and out, crashing against the sand. He listened to the oceanic sounds and let his mind wander a little bit. He could hear the bustling sounds of the boardwalk in the distance and if he listened hard enough, he could hear some loud yelling and whistles. When he looked out to the water, he could just see the endless horizon and how never-ending it was. 

He eventually pushed himself up from the lounge chair and wrapped his arms around his body for comfort. He walked up onto the deck and then pushed the screen door open. When he walked in, his dad was standing there with his arms open and Dan immediately broke down again. 

He rushed to his dad’s arms and buried his face into his chest. He would have never thought in a million years that he’d be comforted from a break up by his dad, but here he was. And he had never been so grateful for his dad being there. He didn’t know what could have happened if he would have been alone right now. 

“It’ll hurt for a while,” his father said gently, “but it’s really for the best.” 

Dan felt his head nod subconsciously against his dad’s chest. “I know.” 

He was still resting against his dad, feeling weak and tired, when he heard footsteps come up behind them. “What’s going on?” It’s Julian. 

Dan wanted to pull away from his dad and scream at Julian to leave them alone but he couldn’t. So he listened for his dad’s answer instead. “How about you go up to your room Julian? Dan and I need some alone time.” 

He heard Julian’s grumbling behind them but he ignored it as the footsteps walk around them and creak up the stairs. 

“Are you going to be okay?” His dad asked after a while. 

Dan pulled back and let go of him. He reached up and wiped off his wet cheeks. He wasn’t crying anymore, but his face felt swollen and warm to the touch. And he was also very tired. His body had used the last of whatever energy it had had on his crying. “I will be.” 

“If you need anything, let me know. You’re only here for six more days. I want to be there for you.” 

Dan nodded and smiled softly before letting his lip corners move back to a frown. He said a quick goodnight to his dad and headed upstairs. He took a detour for the bathroom first and hopped in the shower to calm himself down. When he was done, he wrapped himself up in a towel and headed to his room. 

He dressed in a pair of pyjama pants and a sweatshirt and he settled into bed. He was about to go to sleep, his eyes finally drooping closed when his phone dinged and woke him back up. 

**Phil:** _ I hope you can forgive me one day…  _

Dan threw his phone on the floor of his room and turned over in his bed, feeling the tears begin again. He cried himself to sleep that night and when he woke up the next morning, he thought that he’d never felt so exhausted and worn out before. 

****

The drive to the airport felt a lot shorter than Dan remembered. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to leave, or maybe it was because he  _ did  _ want to leave deep down. He wasn’t sure anymore. He looked out the window and pondered on his last few days in the small beach town.

He had spent the rest of his time in Darby with his dad and brother, going to shops, to the boardwalk, and just sharing all of their time together. By the time last night had come, Dan was feeling better. He hadn’t seen Phil, nor heard from him, and maybe that was okay. Maybe this was the best in the long run. 

Dan didn’t really know. 

He still hurt and ached for Phil. He wanted nothing more than to see him again, kiss him and snuggle with him. He also wanted to have sex with Phil again, feel that intimacy that he’d never felt before with with anyone else. 

He never would though. 

Their time together was now over, and Dan had to move on with his life. Whenever he’d look back on Darby, he’d remember Phil, his summer fling. Yeah, Dan had fallen in love with him, and maybe Phil really had felt the same way. But now it was clear to Dan that it was never meant to work out. 

It was a bittersweet goodbye. 

When Dan and his brother got in line for security, he saw that their father was crying and Dan found himself crying too. Dan knew he would never admit it, but he knew Julian cried in secret whenever he turned away from them for a moment and turned back with puffy eyes. 

Dan gave his dad one long, extended hug. His father thanked him for coming and giving him a chance and Dan just nodded. When he pulled back, his father said one thing to Dan that had him smiling. 

“Are you going to come back?” 

Dan nodded. “Yeah. I’ll come back.” 

His father smacked his arm and flashed him a smile. “You better. I’ll always have a room for you, Dan. Never forget that.” 

“I know.” 

Dan walked away when Julian said his goodbye and then they were off, going through security. Dan had to laugh to himself, because this felt almost like a movie. Him and Julian were both crying and everyone around them was looking at them like they were mad. It was okay, because Dan genuinely had had a good time in Darby, but it was time to go back home. 

They boarded their flight in a little under an hour. Dan settled into his seat and Julian next to him with his iPod touch playing a game. Dan rested his head against the side of the plane and took in a long breath. 

The flight attendants made the announcement to remember to turn off all electronic devices and Dan fished out his phone to do so. He flipped it in his hand so the screen was right side up and looked down at it. A green text message notification had popped up and his breath stopped when he saw who it was from. He quickly opened it and read it, feeling his heart race and his breathing nearly stop. He closed the text and shut his phone off, putting it back into his pocket as he stared out the window and heard the doors of the plane shut. 


	6. Epilogue

One would think that Dan would get used to the snow after living in New York all of his life. It was not even like they usually got a lot of a snow, but it was enough to make him miserable when the roads and sidewalks were nothing but snow and slush. 

He was grateful that he had been able to grab a bus and not have it be delayed. He had to be to the airport at nine and it was 8:3o now. Perhaps he shouldn’t have slept in, but he couldn’t help it. He had dreamt so sweetly about today and what was going to happen. He had only been thinking of this since he got home from Darby four months ago. 

The bus halted suddenly and Dan was nearly thrown from his seat. But within a few moments, it was on the move again and Dan felt comfortable and relieved along with his fellow passengers, all on their way to work. 

The last four months have been hard. Dan didn’t think it would take so long to adjust back to living in New York City but it had. He could admit though that his bed was a lot comfier than the one that his dad had bought specifically for him, but he figured he’d have to get used to it again when he headed back there in May. 

_ It’s weird.  _ Dan said in his head as he focused his attention out the window. He had never expected his life to go this direction. As soon as he got back to New York, he had answered the text that was waiting for him. And just a few weeks later, he managed to call Julliard and get a second audition to hopefully go back to school next fall. 

It was  scary to think about how much his future was changing, but he was feeling much better about it now than he had in June. And he kept in contact with his father every day. It was nice to know that he had the comfort of his other parent to help him out when his mom couldn’t. 

The bus was nearing to his stop at JFK airport and Dan stood up as the bus parked in its spot and the doors opened. He thanked the driver and rushed out, eager to get inside and get out of the bitter cold and into a pair of arms. 

He didn’t have to wait long. 

Standing just inside the doorway was the same raven haired, blue eyed man that Dan had fallen in love with last summer. His suitcase was parked next to him, the handle still up, and he was wrapped in a dark grey winter jacket. 

When Dan saw him, he felt like he could cry. He had been waiting for this moment for four months now, ever since Phil sent him the long message right before his flight left. It told of him much he loved him and that he had made a huge mistake. He wanted to be with Dan and he was ready for Dan to never forgive him and to move on. 

But instead, Dan messaged him back and told him he loved him too, and that night, they got to Skype and Dan fell asleep with Phil still on the other side. 

They started planning for Phil to visit him back in September but the fact that he was already here made Dan so excited. He was probably jetlagged, having flown from the U.K to New York. But Dan was prepared to show him around the city and all of the Christmas decorations and lights. 

He ran up to Phil and gathered him in his arms. Phil’s arms wrapped around him and Dan could hear him sniffling and he couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or because he was happy to see him. He guessed the latter. 

“I’ve missed you so much.” Phil told him, kissing into his hair and inhaling. 

Dan smiled and pulled back before leaning in and kissing Phil on the lips. He hadn’t had a chance to do that in so long but it felt so good, so right. Like this was always supposed to happen. 

It was always supposed to be Dan and Phil. 

When Dan released the kiss, Phil pulled away and fished into his pocket quickly, Dan was confused about what was happening until Phil pulled out a small box. Dan would have fainted right there in the middle of the airport if he had actually believed there was an engagement ring in there. 

Instead, it was a ring. But not like that. 

“I bought this in London.” Phil said gently. “It’s meant to be an engagement ring but I know we’re not ready so it’s a promise ring instead. A promise that no matter how far we are from each other, we’re going to be okay.” 

Dan smiled at him, tearing up more than he already had, as he put his hand out and let Phil push the ring onto his left ring finger. It was nothing but a promise that distance would never separate them like it already tried to do. 

They were in it for the long haul, Dan was sure of it. 

As they linked hands and headed out to the taxi rank, Dan rested his body into Phil’s, pressing their arms tightly together. Walking outside of the sliding doors made Dan’s head spin as he thought about what was going to be happening next. 

He couldn’t wait to show Phil around New York and he couldn’t wait for Phil to show him around the U.K when Dan leaves with him after Christmas. 

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this fic, please consider giving it a reblog on tumblr! My tumblr is [Lilacskylester!](http://www.lilacskylester.tumblr.com)


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